Tag: office

Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle

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Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle
I can’t wait to have a beer in this Scary Skull Cup With Bone Jointed Handle. The bone handle is jointed… For your pleasure. I don’t even know what that means. I’m operating on the left side of a Twix bar and two red bulls. What happened to the right side of the Twix bar? Both sides are right. And if one side is wrong I don’t wanna be right. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, this cool skull cup is my new drinking vessel of choice. BRING ME A SKULL FULL OF insert name of some kind of tough liquor that I should be manly enough to drink, but will make me cough and gag.

C’mon, let’s get drunk and slam our skulls together. THUNK! Ow!!!! I meant skull cups. Not my brain casing you stupid- What was I saying? WHO ATE MY LEFT TWIX? I only have the one. Or did I lose the left and I have the right? Why do they give you two? One would be much better for my OCD. I can’t eat it now, even if I could find it. See what you did! Wait. What are the signs of concussion? And where am I?

Gothic Skull Vessel and Pen Set

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Gothic Skull Vessel and Pen Set
Creeptastic! Holy Goth! This Gothic Skull Vessel and Pen Set will let you write all of your horror fan-fic, ransom notes, poison pen letters and other assorted weirdness. You get four skull-topped ink pens and a skeleton vessel to hold them in.

Man, I wish I had a skeleton vessel. “Full speed ahead!” I would shout from atop it’s spine, posed like George Washington leading the charge, as the skeleton beast walks toward the enemy. *Suddenly all of it’s bones shatter and leave me half-buried in a pile of bone.* “Damn you and your lack of calcium!”

Scary Skull Pens

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Scary Skull Pens
They say that the pen is mightier than the sword. Which is probably why you see so many swashbucklers armed with ball-point pens. Not! Stupid English sayings. I’ll totally destroy a pen with a sword. I can’t show you right now cuz I’m only allowed to use Nerf swords in the house.

You know what pen might be scarier than a sword? These Scary Skull Pens. They have Skulls on top with red eyes. Pretty cool. Does anyone even know how to use these things anymore? Or have we all de-evolved back to monkeys? Well, if you do know how to use one of these things still, these pens are refillable. I’d fill it with calcium obviously, so my pen continues to have strong bones.

Wearable Japanese Futon

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monster shaving kit
It’s almost as if I said to the universe, “Universe, I’m not nearly fat and lazy enough. You think you could send a product my way that will let me just fall down and sleep on a futon that I am already wearing? Cool. Thanks. You’re the best.” and he answered me!

I mean, judging by the picture, it looks like this Wearable Japanese Futon was made for Vulcans, but this will do! Thanks God. And I’m sorry about that whole Ten commandments thing, I really thought it was more of a checklist. I’ll do better! Pinky promise!
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Steel Dinosaur Skull T-Rex Metal Desk Organizers

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T-Rex dinosaur desk organizer
I’m working on a script called Jurassic Parks and Rec. It’s about a bunch of dinosaurs working for local government, trying to figure out the best way to deal with extinction level events. That really has nothing to do with these awesome Steel Dinosaur Skull T-Rex Metal Desk Organizers. Just figured I’d toot my own horn a little. *Wiggles thumb and pinky* Call me Hollywood.

These T-Rex skull organizers are sweet! They make your desk look like a rugged manly man works there. And I say that knowing full well that it takes a lot to counter that limited edition Rainbow Dash figure I have on my desk now. With the Rainbow Brite post-it notes.