Tag: sasquatch

Mythical Creature Dioramas

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

mythical creature diorama chupacabra
These mythical creature dioramas from Etsy seller PearsonMaron are a fun way to celebrate El Chupacabra, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. These fun and cartoony scenes make these terrifying creatures a little friendlier. I’m sure that Chupacabra is not going to suck all of the blood from that goat. He’s just gonna- Oh, who am I kidding? He is going to rip that goat a new throat-hole and then go back to the underground lab that genetically spawned him.

These creatures scare me to death. The other day I visited a petting zoo and spotted some hoof prints in the snow and I knew that either a Chupacabra or a demon was on the loose.

Those were just baby goat tracks.

Really? Then how do you explain the fact that they were FOLLOWING that baby goat from behind? I never did see it again. It’s the same way I know when a Bigfoot is following me. His tracks are always leading right TO ME. I am so close to cracking this conspiracy.
Read more “Mythical Creature Dioramas”

Teddy Roosevelt Vs. Bigfoot Print

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

teddy roosevelt and bigfootThe Rough Rider versus the Creepy Cryptid. Sure, Teddy Roosevelt gave a speech with a bullet in his chest, but did you know that he slaughtered his share of bigfoot creatures as well? True story. He was a true patriot and a real monster hunter.

Celebrate the man and the myth with this awesome art print for just $25.

Bigfoot Vs. Alligator Painting

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bigfoot paintingDamn. Bigfoot is in trouble. He’s taking on an Alligator and getting his leg bitten off. Big mistake. Everyone knows that Alligators love Bigfoot meat. Why do you think you can’t find Bigfoot? Because they are in the stomachs of Alligators. That’s why.

It’s the same reason you can’t find Doritos in my town. Cause I already got em. Better luck next time son. Many a man has lost his hand to my snapping jaws as he reached for a bag of Cool Ranch. They had that same look on their face as Bigfoot has here. Nacho day fool!

See what I did there? Doritos make everything awesome and keep bloggers fed for like weeks. Where’s my insulin? Whatevs. Probably in the bottom of this bag. I’ll let you know.

The Screaming Face Of Bigfoot On A Rock

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bigfoot rockI don’t know. I think this $1,000.00 rock looks more like some kind of screaming Turtle-Man than Bigfoot. The seller thinks it looks like Bigfoot. It is proof that ancient civilizations had silly putty. And that Turtle-Man was a kick-ass hero.

Somebody put their silly putty against a cave painting that depicted one of Turtle-Man’s comic book issues and their silly putty dried because in those days silly putty had a life of just one day after the elder shaman created it. Oh and if you licked it, it would make the cave paintings come to life while you ran around naked and were eventually restrained.

One more image after the jump.
Read more “The Screaming Face Of Bigfoot On A Rock”

Sasquatch Sighting: Bigfoot Drops A Deuce

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bigfoot takes a dumpThis Etsy listing is titled “Bigfoot breaks into some Dude’s Cabin and Totally takes a fat Dump in his toilet 11×14 fine art print”. That he does. The old Sasquatch is leaving a Cleveland steamer in some guy’s toilet.
Read more “Sasquatch Sighting: Bigfoot Drops A Deuce”