Tag: strange

Orphanage Of Misfit Babes

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Orphanage Of Misfit Babes
The Orphanage Of Misfit Babes looks like a scary place. I was a misfit baby, mostly cuz I was one of those fat babies you see on Maury Povich. My clothes all misfit. Some even split down the butt while I played with my rattle in one hand and clutched a Mars bar that looked like runny poop in the other. Seriously though, this orphange is full of creepy orphans. Probably even has a harsh and bitter old maid in charge who hits your knuckles with a ruler. The adults inside are terrified, all clutching each other and screaming. I say just leave the kid and get the hell out. Actually, I don’t say that cuz that can be misinterpreted.

I’m really looking forward to the movie based on this sculpture. I just noticed a baby devil in the yard. Who slept with the devil? That’s as evil as you can get. And you know the devil ain’t gonna take care of your kid. So next thing you know, you are leaving your devil baby on the steps of the orphanage to be raised by nuns. Good luck with that nuns. That’s why they call them nuns you know. They don’t want none of that!
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Weird Coat Hanger: Relax, Stay Awhile, Hang Your Coat Up On An Arm Or A Leg

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Hang Your Coat Up On An Arm Or A Leg
Yeah, I’ve had that problem. Disembodied baby limbs coming out of my wall. Wailing and crying too. Ghost babies are the worst. This Weird Coat Hanger simulates an ghostly baby attack so that you will be ready. It also provides a freaky place to hang your coat. What I like to do is wait until they stick their limbs through my wall, then me and a tattoo artist give them some embarrassing ink. That way when they go back to their ghost mother, they are in a ton of trouble. Hahaha ghost babies. I get the last laugh.

Well I did have the last laugh until an army of ghost moms showed up one night with that traitor tattoo artist. On the plus side, my body length tattoo of baby limbs and doll heads all over my body looks friggin’ awesome. The down side is that my body is now a portal for baby limbs. Let me tell ya, it isn’t so cool when you’re buying a pack of gum and a baby arm comes out of your crotch when you are flirting with the pretty cashier. Or when an arm comes out of your head and knocks your hat off. That’s not a funny game!

Creepy Kids Mugs

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Creepy Kids Mugs
Check out these creepy kids mugs. And I don’t mean creepy mugs for kids. I mean, mugs with creepy kids on them. Kids who crave brains and eyeball soup. That’s what happens when you raise zombie kids. Like those kids who never look away from their smartphone except to flip you the bird. Look at those kids salivating. MMmmm-Mmmmmm good. More like Mmmmmm-Mmmmmm nasty ya little freak. Gives a whole new meaning to brain food.

Yummy yummy, I have brains in my tummy. Thank you mom for the eyeball soup too. I’m so happy to be a part of this maniac psychopath family. A real atomic family. As in, they should be nuked from orbit.

The seller also has buttons with these little freaks on them.
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Be Prepared: Zombie Survival Kit

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Be Prepared Zombie Survival Kit
This is a Zombie Survival Kit that you can buy to be prepared for the eventual zombie apocalypse. I have no idea what’s going on in that image above. I think it’s the story of a cowgirl experiencing an undead outbreak firsthand. She was probably minding her own business, riding a mechanical bull, in some dark warehouse, or maybe giving a lap dance while some dude admires her tramp stamp, I have no idea, when the zombies burst in. So she got her knife out and got to work because she had this survival kit. Looking fabulous while chopping heads and making the undead dead again. Yippe Ky yay MFer! And that is exactly how you keep your sleezy nightclub free of undead freaks. She’s my new hero. Or is it heroine? She is my new heroine. I plan to take her internally once I find a vein and sleep with my eyes open and a smile on my face as I watch her exploits in my mind.

This kit includes a survival bandanna, survival saw, machete, germicide tablets, survival can, emergency blanket, survival book, first aid book, compass kit, gas mask, and a heavy wooden crate with a locking clasp.

Nosferatu Creepin’ Up Your Stairs…Coming To Get You

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Nosferatu Creepin' Up Your Stairs
Oh hell no. Stay away from me Nosferatu. I see your shadow. Because I keep all of the lights on in case you boogeymen come to get me. All full of boogers and probably blowing your nose in some old handkerchief. I’m not scared of you. I’m just exiting the house and standing in the snow because I’m hot. That’s all. Do what you want in there. You own the place now. I’m a lover, not a fighter. I’ll sign the deed over first thing in the morning.

This is actually how I lost my first house, by giving it away to a Nosferatu vinyl decal I forgot was there. I hope he’s happy on his one wall, with no one to scream like a sissy every time I would turn the corner.

So basically what you have here is Nosferatu on vinyl. Great album. Had classics like, The Transylvania Twerk, It’s Raining Blood(Hallelujah), The Nosferatu Shuffle, You Are The Wind Beneath My Bat-Wings and my personal favorite, Your Neck, My Mouth.