Tag: strange

Year of the Goat Canvas Art Print

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year of the goatIs it the year of the goat? I had no idea. I guess all of those goats in party hats celebrating the new year should have clued me in. I just thought they were trying to get my goat. Anyway, this Year of the Goat Canvas Art Print shows you how goats party down. Or is it party up? I have no idea since the only parties I attend are pity parties and I’m the only guy there. Goats know how to live it up. They have the best sweaters and blow bubbles everywhere while dancing to a tune on the boombox.

I bet that goat doesn’t have a job or anything. And you know what an unemployed goat is called right? Billy Idol! Heh. Why are they called Billy Goats anyway? You goat me. See what I did there? I goat ya again. That was too easy. I’m the king of goat jokes. I know, you’re thinking, “Goat the f**k outta here!” Fine, I’m gone.

Victorian Skeleton Wearing A Steampunk Bonnet

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Victorian Skeleton Wearing A Steampunk Bonnet
This Victorian Skeleton Wearing A Steampunk Bonnet is pretty cool. Shelley the Steampunk skeleton sells seashells by the seashore. I just said that fast three times and totally aced it. Yay me! My words are working great today. *Ignores the skeleton and whispers to the bonnet.* Did somebody put a bee in your bonnet? I know right. There’s a b in your bonnet. Get it? A real biatch. Don’t tell her I said so. I just don’t like the way her gears are grinding at me. She scares me.

You’ll go nuts for this statue. And bolts. And gears. And rivets. You got a lot of brass showing up here lady! Get it? Brass? Steampunk and brass? Now I wanna see the Terminator arrive in Victorian London and wed her. Then they could give birth to baby skynet and kill us all. Get on that Hollywood.

Let’s Make This Brief Underwear Notes

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Let’s Make This Brief Underwear Notes
Leave notes on a pair of underwear. Let’s make this brief Underwear Notes. People pay attention to a note on a pair of tightie whities. Other notes? They just crumple up and throw them away. Although I think they should have some yellow stains and look a little crusty. Maybe have some fried chicken grease. You know, just for realism. Maybe that’s just me. Perfect for notes like: PICK UP SOME UNDERWEAR! or CRAPPED MYSELF: JUST FYI or WE NEED MILK, DON”T BE A WIENER! then draw a picture of a wiener escaping the undies cuz you’re totally grown up, but it has to be done.

People always ask me, boxers or briefs? And I say I prefer my boxers in briefs, otherwise both fighters are gonna have two dangling arms hitting each other below the belt. I don’t really wanna see that. It’s already too much man on man action for me.

Horror Themed Hair Bows

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Freddy Krueger Hair bow
MJistheBOMB makes all sorts of hair bows, but the weirdest are these Horror Themed Hair Bows. You have Freddy Krueger, which I really wish was a bow tie, Chucky, Bride of Chucky and Frankenstein. So put some horror in your hair. They are perfect for Halloween or just every day.

I would suggest wearing them with a beehive hairdo with white streaks, like the Bride of Frankenstein. Just my own un-professional opinion. I like my hos with bows. Did I just say that? Not really. It was the meds. They do all the bad things. They also find all of this cool stuff for you, so you can’t be too hard on them. I’ll have a quiet word and put them to bed. Talk later.
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Adidas Tiger Tail Sneakers: Catch The Tiger By The Tail

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Adidas Tiger Tail Sneakers Catch The Tiger By The Tail
These Adidas Tiger Tail Sneakers will finally let me live out my dream of catching a tiger by the tail. You do that with a real tiger and the tiger catches you by the hand and leaves ya with a bloody stump. Sadly, they aren’t my size. They’re for kids, who get all of the cool stuff. It really bums me out too, cuz my dream was to wear them while eating some Frosted Flakes. Mom would ask me if I liked my new shoes and I would shove my spoon hand in the air and yell, “THEY’RE GREAT!” then act like it never happened.

Oh well, you can’t live out all of your dreams. I feel like I’ve already accomplished a lot just by rising to the heights of “professional fat nerd blogger in underwear”. Wasn’t easy to get here either. Had to make a lot of sacrifices, like friends, love, thinness… Yeah, that’s why. Just leave it okay! I don’t want to talk about it. It IS NOT the Oreos! Anyway, a tiger doesn’t change his stripes. Well, not unless he has some spray paint.
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