Tag: style

Bronze Slug Rings

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Bronze Slug Rings
Bronze Slug Rings baby! Slugs slithering all in between your fingers that you can use for brass knuckles should some dude mess with you in a dark alley somewhere. What? You want slugs to the face bro? BAM. SLUGGO! These slugs will never let you down. Unless somebody throws salt all over your hands.

This ring is sweet. I just wish I had known about this before I made my slug ring the old fashioned way. By shoving both hands in the garden and pulling ’em back up with nasty gooey slugs between my fingers.
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Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant

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Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant
Do you think that Werewolves all wear stuff like this cool Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant, so they can spot each other and know that they are all Werewolves? I only ask cuz some nights I get crazy and tear through a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands and they have to lock me in a cage for the night. Also I’m hairy. People say I’m just hungry and fat, I say I’m a werewolf. Then I slash them with my claws and run off on all fours howling. Then I wake up naked the next day, but that’s only because I’m a free spirit.

It’s an endless battle with the moon. Speaking of the moon, I find that the moon acts childish. Oh well, probably just a phase. Once a month the moon gets so full of itself. It’s so vain. Anyway, here’s a song for the moon:

You’re so vain
You probably think this post is about you.
Don’t you?
Don’t you?

Toothy Void Necklace

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Toothy Void Necklace
Toothy Void Necklace. That’s a great name for this orthodontia oddity. You got teeth with nothing but a void beyond. Not even a tongue. Unless it’s hiding back there in the dark. Kinda creepy. I better french kiss it to be sure. mmmm-aaa-hh-mmmmmm Sorry it took so long. Had to be sure. That thing has tongue alright. Not gonna lie, that was pretty enjoyable. I think we’re engaged now. Unless I’m moving too fast. Do you think I’m mis-reading things? What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if she was just using me to get her teeth cleaned? I’m so confused.

Giant Spider Statement Ring

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Giant Spider Statement Ring
Oh look. A Giant Spider Statement Ring. I think I can guess what the statement is: Get it the hell off me! Yep, that’s the statement alright. Seeing a spider ring this big really shows you what massive butts they have. That’s because they have to store all kinds of stuff in the badonkadonk. They have to store all of that spider silk, their poop, their pee, their kids… I’m pretty sure that is scientifically valid, cuz I read it once on the web. The web knows about spiders. Duh!

That’s pretty nasty to be carrying all that around in one sack. That’s like you having a huge triple-duty booty and carrying like 3 blankets, all your poop, all your pee and letting your nasty kids bounce around in all that, while you go about your bidness shopping at Walmart.

Spiders is nasty.
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Skull Cameo Necklace

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Skull Cameo Necklace
This skull cameo necklace is all 3D like a real skull. Pretty neat. Pretty cool. Pretty good. Hey, look everybody. Stan Lee is here to make a cameo appearance. And who’s that? Benedict Cumberbatch! Wait, there’s more.

*Throws open the shutters like it’s Christmas morning and I’ve been up all night with the ghost of Christmas something or other!* Shouts, “It really is a cameo necklace! It’s a star-studded cast! Merry Christmas to everyone!”

Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. You know what else happens? I get a headache.

What? It’s only May? Bah-Humbug. I’m going back to bed until December. Wake me up when I can open presents.
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