Turkey Man is a superhuman turkey created in an experiment at the Perdue labs in 1976. He flew the coop and went on the run, living off the grid and saving humans in danger, ultimately becoming the hero and savior of Chick-tropolis, where he battled such foes as the Hob-Gobbler, Bizarro Colonel Sanders and both Frank and Jim Perdue. His good deeds earned him a presidential pardon on Thanksgiving of 1986. Now you can look just like this awesome hero and maybe even ruffle a few villainous feathers.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Weird Earbrow Capelet
If you’re looking for a fashion accessory that has ears and eyebrows this Weird Earbrow Capelet is for you. Earbrows are so this season. New from designer Tommy Shillfigure. Or is it Christian Di-ear? I have no idea. I’m not gonna buy. I was just… browsing.
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Pinhead Bunny
Holy Jeebus! Pinhead Bunny scares the hell out of me more than raising it. Get it? Hellraiser? Is it Hellraiser or Hellrazor? Nah, that’s just the devil’s Gillette. Anyway, this ain’t no funny bunny? You might call him Hare-raiser! Get it? Man, I crack myself up. Those eyes. That face. That’s gonna be in my nightmares tonight, stoked by the warm fire that is the quart of gin I drank to forget I ever saw this thing. Dude broght his own knives and everything.
I have a plan though. When this thing shows up in my dreams to gnaw at my bones with it’s buck teeth, I’m gonna trick him and Freddy Krueger into killing each other. Then I will finally be at peace. Can’t a guy sleep for one night without freaky freaks invading his dreams?
Memento Mori Skull Watches
These awesome Memento Mori Skull Watches are designed by Swiss watch designer Fiona Krüger. No relation to Freddy. I think. They might be distant cousins who may have had a falling out, but that’s beside the point and I’ve said too much. Krüger came up with the idea in 2011 while she was a student at the ECAL art school in Switzerland. Now Krüger has her own independent design company and an ongoing line of Fiona Krüger brand Skull watches. Pretty cool.
I wish I had a fancy line of watches like Krüger. Or even like that guy on the street with watches up and down both arms who wants to give me a deal every day. The inside of his coat is lined with necklaces too. I really admire that guy. Who needs a storefront?
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The Truth is Out There X-Files Scarf
I hear ya. Why would I buy an X-Files Scarf in the middle of the summer? That’s what you’re thinking. Well, that’s what they want you to think. It’s a conspiracy, wrapped in a riddle, inside of an enigma, inside of a pit that holds a quagmire. They don’t want you to have a scarf and be prepared for the cold weather to come. So they hide the truth. Right in plain sight. Is it really summer? Are you sure? Maybe a false summer created by planes spraying chemtrails, cuz they modify the weather, cuz aliens need a warmer climate.
Buy this scarf, cuz when the resistance grounds those chemtrail planes and makes the planet colder, you’re gonna need it. Hope you like snow you alien freaks!
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