Author: Artemis Winterford

Inflatable Gargoyle Halloween Costume

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Inflatable Gargoyle Halloween Costume
What in the f**kitty s**tstorm! What on Earth is that Gargoyle doing to you? Oh wait. Just saw the last two images. What are YOU doing to him? I don’t even- It goes from a surprise dry-hump(LOL Look at the terror on that guy’s face. He’s got his hand out like, “Oh nos! WTF is happening?) to an insane struggle that has both of these freaks on the ground rolling around. I’m unsure if this is consensual or not which makes me feel weird.

On the off chance that this ended up being consensual, I wish you both the best of luck. If not. I hope that weird dude feels better soon.
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Creepy Chairs For Your Haunted Mansion

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creepy chairs
ComaToastCoffinCo makes these cool creepy chairs. They are perfect for haunted houses or just for sitting in this Halloween and looking all freaky. Wait. ComaToastCoffinCo? Cool name. ComaToast. It’s when you want toast real bad, so you make some, but you are so tired you fall asleep and don’t eat it. You also get butter all over your shirt. And…Other…Odd places. Trust me on this one.

These chairs are all rib cages, skulls and spiderwebs, which sounds like a supermodel at the end of her career. I might dress up as the Grim Reaper this Halloween and sit in one of these like a throne as I give out candy. More like, sit on this chair and get beat up by the bigger kids and have my candy taken away. Oh Halloween. No matter how old I get, nothing ever changes.
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Zombie Evolution T Shirt

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Zombie Evolution T Shirt
*Singing* Everybody’s talking about revolution, evolution… All I am sayyyying…Is give peace a chance.

Now I’m gonna go lay in bed and take questions from reporters. Now where was I? Oh yeah. Evolution. Life’s a b*tch. Then you die. Then you rise again as a zombie. Then you eat brains. Then your skin starts rotting and falling off. Then you get shot in the head by some dude who couldn’t understand your zombie talk. All you wanted was that Reese’s cup he was holding.

Anyway, this cool Zombie Evolution T Shirt puts it all in perspective. I must be the missing link cuz I don’t see tubby nerd represented on this shirt.

Needle Felted PIGASUS Christmas Tree Ornament

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Needle Felted PIGASUS Christmas Tree Ornament
I always said I would have a Pigasus Christmas Tree Ornament on my tree when pigs fly. I guess I better pony-up and get this thing on the tree this year. I’ll call him Oink-o Boink-o and he will be my patron saint of Bacon. Every day I will kneel before him and make offerings and the next morning I will come downstairs to find a pound of bacon gift wrapped with care.

Thank you mighty Oink-o Boink-o. *Backs away slowly, bowing.* You are as wise as you are benevolent!

Laser Cut Wood Halloween Lanterns

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Laser Cut Wood Halloween Lanterns
EliseKoncsek makes cool and creepy Laser Cut Wood Halloween Lanterns. Too scary for me though. I get scared when people make shadows on the wall with their fingers. These lanterns cast spooky scenes on your walls. I’m talking scary. I mean, way worse than that horrid wallpaper in your room. What? You thought I couldn’t see you from this side of the screen? Of course I can. I am with you always. I see everything…*Heavy breathing.*

So you call the cops. They trace the blog. “Maam, he’s blogging from inside your house. Get out of there now!”

Relax, I would never do that to you. That would ruin, like, my whole gig blogging from your attic and crawlspaces.

Anyway, these lanterns are cool. Not as cool as that area rug in your bedroom, or that bathing suit in your drawer, but pretty cool.
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