Awaglass Soap Bubble Hourglass

soap bubble hourglass
Normally grains of sand fall in an hourglass and it usually takes about an hour. See ma, I am too smart. The Awaglass however, is some kind of strange wizard magic. It has hypnotic soapy bubbles that rise up instead of down. I’m like a level 8 sorcerer in D and D and even I don’t know how to do this. But I’m gonna mention it to my DM. If I can hypnotize creatures with bubbles and then critical hit their nads with my staff, I’m all over that biz.

Of course the last time I asked my DM for special powers, he gave me a cursed necklace that turned me into a woman. Wasn’t so bad really, cause it came with a once a month “spell of raging blood” that made dungeoneering super easy. They just put me in front and every creature ran from my verbal onslaught. The downside was later that night when the party rested. “Wait. So I’m the only female here and you want me to do what? I don’t think that’s what ‘flurry of blows’ means guys. Isn’t that a melee attack? Are you sure you checked the book? Oh, what the hell, it’s just roleplay!”

What happens in D and D, stays in D and D.
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Nice Slices: Pizza Leggings

pizza leggings
These Pizza Leggings from Etsy seller eatmeclothing(Hey, what’d you say to me) are cheesy and hot. My two favorite food things. Girl, you got some fine pizza legs! Why don’t you put one slice in front of the other and c’mon over here. nom nom nom. Hey, these just taste like leggings! Sorry about all the holes. I’ll patch those with pepperoni if you want. I think I have some sausage around here too. Now, where is that needle and thread? No, you’ll be alright. Just stay away from stray dogs.
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City Morgue Body Bag Sleeping Bag

morgue sleeping bag
Sleep like the dead in this city morgue sleeping bag.

What happened here lieutenant? I’m not sure sir. Witnesses say he was dead tired and just collapsed and wrapped this body bag around himself. Hmmm. Sounds like another blogger all hopped up on Monster energy drinks and cheetos. It might be that Creepbay guy again. You keep this crime scene clean. I’m gonna talk to forensics and see what they think. He may just be sleeping, but I don’t wanna touch him. Dead bodies are icky! Until I know for sure, nobody gets in or out.
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Fly And Bug Buddy Purse: Livin’ La Vida Larva

superfly purseWhat’s all the buzz about this season in fashion? Not those rain boots and hairy legs stockings that Walmart shoppers are rocking this week, that’s for sure. It’s all about accessorizing. If you wanna look fly, you gotta start with maggots and work your way up to full fledged flying pest.

This Fly And Bug Buddy Purse is superfly. Store it in your closet by throwing it on a flystrip.

Blackout Doombox Delivers Monster Beats

doomboxThis $90 Doombox Boombox will definitely eat your cassette tapes. Just ask the seller, who says that it is radio only. The cassette player doesn’t work. Probably because he punched it in the mouth after it ate his favorite Journey tape. Same thing happened to me in the 80s. Don’t stop believing my ass! It’s hard to hold on to that feeling when your boombox betrays you.

The seller also has a Doombox Sony Watchman Portable TV(Pictured below) for $60 if you like to watch sitcoms framed in monster teeth.
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