Author: Artemis Winterford

Life Sized Gremlins Will Make A Mess Of Your Home

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life sized gremlinsEtsy seller Lilitecreation offers several life sized Gremlins that you can buy, so that they can mess up your house and throw a party. You can get Mohawk, Daffy and Lenny. What about that Professor guy from Gremlins 2? He was the craziest therapist ever.

They will cost you between $310. to $470. I can wreck my house for much cheaper on my own thank you, but these guys are pretty awesome. This is what happens when you feed stuff after midnight. The consequences are much worse than some farts under the sheets and a stomach ache, which is what happens when I eat after midnight.

Weird Taxidermy: Two Frogs Walk Into A Bar

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beer drinking frogsSomeone paid $25. for this. These guys are having a drinking contest. The guy on the left just slammed his bottle down, slammed down his hand and is like, “I effing got this!” *Huge frog burp* The guy on the right doesn’t even care. He’s just happy to be inebriated since the other frog is paying.

Fun fact: Carta Blanca means “blank check”. I know that because my landlord challenged me to a drinking contest once. Halfway through, he’s all like “Carta Blanca! Rent Gringo!” I’m like, “What? You know I don’t speak landlord.” He’s all like, “Pay rent. You sign. Leave amount blanca. That space for me to fill out.”

Now I know better. Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you. Now I get a discount on rent, because his buddy(Guy named Coyote apparently) comes around once a month and hides stuff in my house. Sometimes people. It’s a game they play.

$6,500.00 Fiberglass Python

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fiberglass snakeSnakes! Why’d it have to be snakes? This 14 foot fiberglass python will scare the bejesus out of anything and anyone in your yard. It basically looks like one long bloody entrail. It weighs about 75-80 lbs. Not that size matters.

This should keep any form of life well away from your yard. Especially those boy scouts that collect canned food and leave that bag on your door so it ends up floating around in your yard, making you look like you are a pig. Yeah, I hate that. This should keep those little patch-earning fetuses away.
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Are You Bloody Crazy?: Star Trek Captain Kirk Menstrual Pad

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captain kirk menstrual padThis Star Trek menstrual pad is ready and waiting. You decide Captain Kirk’s destiny. Will you make him the first Captain in Starfleet history to go from a gold shirt to a red shirt?

Kirk to Spock. I know we are supposed to go where no man has gone before, but I’m pretty sure other’s have been here. Personal log…It’s also…*hand gesture* very…dark…and wet. I want to beam out, but is she green? If she’s green, I’ll stay. Is that wrong? Spock? Hello?

Gay Toys Baseball Helmets

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gay toys baseball hatsI’m going to put a peacock feather on my hat and really show up that pitcher. Gonna hit a line drive right upside his head and then I’m going to steal second base like he stole my heart last season. The name on the uniform is Prancer for a reason! It rhymes with dancer! What’s that Mr. Umpire? Do I like to play Reindeer games? Do I ever? You cheeky thing.

Hey Mr Pitcher man! Over here! We just met and already I got to second base. Hey look over here while I’m finger-waving at you and twirling my feather boa. Oh enough with the making dough eyes you silly goose. God, I love this game!