Category: Creep Wear

Makeup Cosmetic Zipper Bag With Claw Marks

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Makeup Cosmetic Zipper Bag With Claw Marks
If you like your makeup bag clawed and slashed, check out this one. It’s already been pre-slashed by a beast and it wasn’t me. I only leave claw marks on locked cupboards and the crack of my jeans. Some ointment fixed the latter, but I’m still trying to get to the Doritos that the wife locked up.

Anyway, this bag makes it look like you survived an attack from a monster and it even looks like it might be bleeding. Better put some peroxide on that and a band-aid. I hope it doesn’t need any…*Coy smile* cosmetic surgery.

See, because it’s a cosmetics bag. Oh whatever!
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Octo-Hat With Tentacles

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Octo-Hat With Tentacles
Need a cool hat that has style? Don’t get your panties in a bunch, but do get your tentacles in a bunch with the Octo-Hat. It will give you gorgeous long tentacle locks that you will want to curl and tease. The tentacles double a scarf. I wonder if the tentacles have suckers, cuz I don’t want no octo-hickeys on my neck.  Am I the only one who finds the eyes on this thing super grumpy?

Don’t be an Octo-puss. Get an Octo-Hat.
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Werewolf Dog Muzzle

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werewolf muzzle
Nice doggy. Who’s the nice doggy? GOT DAMN! HE TOOK MY ARM OFF. *Points with the index finger I have left* You are not a nice dog!

This Werewolf Dog Muzzle will make your dog look like a Werewolf. Hence the name. Fluffy or Fido will look like they are transforming during a full moon and ready to rip some flesh from your neck.

Put a muzzle on that dog.

Okay I did. Happy?

No, please. Take it off. That thing is terrifying. Why would you put that on a wiener dog? That’s just wrong.
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Slithering Snake Cling Ring

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Slithering Snake Cling Ring
Snakes. Why’d it have to be snakes? They make me hiss-terical! This Slithering Snake Cling Ring is all needy and clingy like a girlfriend. I kid. I’m the clingy one in a relationship. Holding onto a woman’s leg while she drags me and tries to get away is just an evolutionary trait that I have developed to not be so lonely.

This terrifying snake will realistically coil around your index finger in the same way, while chomping on your ring finger. Cuz it’s jealous and doesn’t want you wearing any other rings. So don’t! Respect the snake!

Dinosaur Ties

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Dinosaur Ties
These Dinosaur Ties are for the sharp dressed man that leaves the office early to go play with plastic dinosaurs. That’s actually how I lost my first job. Which was fine because it led to my second job as an office therapist sorting out stuff like sexual harassment accusations and the like. I got to play with my toys all day.

“Now show me on the dinosaur where the bad man touched you. There? Okay. Do the roar. We roar to heal. Now our dinosaurs fight.” That job didn’t last long either.
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