Category: Just Plain Weird

Interior Frighting: Crazy Skeleton Chandelier

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Interior Frighting Crazy Skeleton Chandelier
This Skeleton Chandelier is made from plastic and bone molds. Only hang this up if your house has good bones. Get it? Pretty cool chandelier though. I find those bones humorous. *Crickets chirp* I’m just ribbin’ ya. This thing is perfect for any home, but especially if your house already looks like it came out of a horror movie.

*Sits down to eat dinner. Jaw bone falls from the ceiling and sinks into mashed potatoes. Shakes fist at chandelier. Picks bone out and goes back to eating.*
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Zombie Gnombie Statue

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Zombie Gnombie Statue
This Zombie Gnombie Statue is all undead and rising from the dirt. He gets bonus points for having stigmata marks on his hands. What up my homie from another gnomie? You just gonna stay silent wit yo zombie self? Aight, be like dat Aber-gnombie and bi*ch!

Why you crawling all up in my yard anyway? *Steps on his head and pushes him back down* Dat’s what it is. This ain’t no halfway house for horror gnomes. Pop up in somebody else’s yard else I’mma have to play whack-a-gnome! Ya get me? Aight! Peace! Don’t be leaving no gopher trails in my grass now!

You can find him here and here.

Frankenstein Skull With Light Up Eyes

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Frankenstein Skull With Light Up Eyes
This Frankenstein Skull With Light Up Eyes will watch you like one of those paintings where the eyes seem to move. Stop looking at me Franky! The eyes can be any color LED lights you want. Trust me, it doesn’t matter what color you choose, it’s all gonna look creepy. I want to ask you something Dr. Frankenstein. Were those bolts on the side of the head really necessary? Are they holding up the foundation? Connected to load-bearing muscle mass or something? I really think you could have found an alternative to just using huge ass bolts. But what do I know? I don’t make monsters. I just marry them.

What? You thought that was a crack about my wife? I’ll have you know, I am an ordained minister and I work in Transylvania.
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WTF… GOAT STORY Mug

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WTF... GOAT STORY Mug
What kind of half-baked hipster mysticism is this? The “Goat Story Mug” is a horn-shaped vessel like the vikings would have drank from,… If Vikings were wusses that could only conquer goats. You are supposed to drink coffee out of it. Maybe to pretend you have slain a goat in between your artisanal lunch and the daily upkeep of your man-bun. I have no idea. It has no handle.You can’t even set it on your desk. Instead you’re supposed to carry it with some kind of feminine wrist strap or purse strap attachment. So what the hell is the goat story? Don’t trust a hipster? Tell us something we don’t know. Here’s my goat story:

Once upon a time people had coffee cups. Like female CB using truck drivers, they had a handle and a flat bottom. Everyone was happy as they drank from this amazing creation. And we don’t need no stinking goat horn mugs! The end.

Bat Skull Cabinet Hardware

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Bat Skull Cabinet Hardware
Quick Robin! To the Bat-Cabinet! Holy smokes Batman! Which one is the Bat Cabinet again? They are the ones with the Bat Skull Cabinet Hardware you idiot. And by the way, can we update that outfit? Kinda makes me look bad you know. I am a much older man and those tights… Not good.

This Bat Skull Cabinet hardware is awesome. Does this mean that your cabinet is a belfry now? It’s got bats. Anything that has bats is a belfry. I kind of like the idea of grabbing a bat skull every time I go into a cabinet for some cereal or peanut butter. Don’t worry little bats, I won’t crush your head with my grip. Or poke you in the eye-sockets. I will be gentle,but firm.
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