Category: Just Plain Weird

Alien Abduction Tattoo On Synthetic Life-Like Flesh

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Alien Abduction Tattoo On Synthetic Life-Like Flesh
Now you can experience the joy of having your own badass Alien Abduction Tattoo without all of the pain of having it on your own flesh. This Alien Abduction Tattoo On Synthetic Life-Like Flesh will make a great conversation piece. I like that it looks like a limited edition Pop Tart. Don’t put this thing in your toaster, unless you like the smell of burning synthetic flesh in the morning.

It’s not real flesh obviously. The aliens probably have walls full of the real thing. If you get an alien abduction tattoo, they will rip it off while you are on the exam table. They gotta keep their secrets after all.

Krampus Effigy Candle

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Krampus Effigy Candle

Check out this Krampus Effigy Candle. Or maybe it’s Gene Simmons. Now I’m not sure. Just like his head and set the mood. Whether it’s a romantic dinner you want or a soak in the tub, Krampus will be there. With his head on fire. And strangely, he’s not running around looking for a bucket of water to put it out.

I like Krampus. Gonna write a comedy screenplay. Here’s my pitch: It’s called Krampus on Campus. It’s a coming of age story about Krampus attending college. He parties, he lives, he love, he learns… It’s a heartwarming tale of a creature with a dream.

Awesome Octopus Bookends

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Awesome Octopus Book Ends
What you are seeing is not in fact an Octopus who turned to stone and was then cut in half. Although that would be pretty friggin’ rad man. Gnarly even. Maybe tubular. It’s not talk like a skater day? Oh well. *Rotates hat to the proper orientation and chucks skateboard behind me as glass shatters.*

No, this is a pair of Awesome Octopus Bookends. Hang on. I sense your confusion. Same thing happened to me. It’s actually for books that are whole and intact. Not just for the ends of books that have been sawed off for whatever reason. That would be silly. I knew that and didn’t have to google it. They go on the ends of your book pile, see. It’s actually a brilliant idea.

Confession time: Someone once asked me for a pair of bookends so I tore out the last page of War and Peace and Gone With The Wind. Boy did I feel like an idiot.

Clawing Hand Wall Hangers

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Clawing Hand Wall Hangers
The hands! The hands are coming! To give you high fives from hell! Which I can only assume evaporates your hand with the burning fires of hades. These things are perfect creep decor for the home. Get some spiders and a skull to go along with these Clawing Hand Wall Hangers and you have yourself a portal to another world where dead people are reaching into ours.

I reached into a portal like that once, but that was only because I thought there might be a Snickers bar on the other side and I’m a diva when I’m hungry.

Gothic Skeleton Baby In Stroller

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Gothic Skeleton Baby In Stroller
Ahhhh. Look at the cute baby. Who’s the cute little baby? Can I lift the veil and see it’s adorable baby face? WHAT THE SHIZZ? I’ve heard of parental neglect, but damn!

This Gothic Skeleton Baby In Stroller is the perfect morbid decor for your haunted house. That stroller even has a goblin head in back. Like they used to say to my mom, that is one ugly baby!

I would make this thing into a sweet remote control car and zip it up and down the aisles of the grocery store until the speaker system says, UGLY DEAD BABY ON AISLE 5! Then I’d come in like a baby-ghost whisperer and rescue them all and get free groceries for like a week.

Man I have so many hopes and dreams. Yet so little motivation. My whole life is a bucket list. That list has two things on it.

Live fast, die hung.
Kick the bucket.

I effin’ rock at life!
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