He’s dirty. He’s crawling around on all fours in his pajamas, with a bone in his mouth. This is one ugly ceramic figurine. It even has some real hair on it’s head for that extra creep factor. Somewhere in the world, the lucky buyer is screaming “It puts the lotion on!” at their china cabinet.
Category: Just Plain Weird
Create a Womb With A View: Pregnancy Belly Painting Kit
It’s never too early to get your kid into art. You might as well start when they are in the womb, by painting weird and creepy scenes on that baby bump. That kid isn’t doing anything now aside from hurting your back and robbing you of precious minerals. Might as well make a weird statement on that belly, so you can embarrass them with pictures later in life. You can find the Belly painting kit here.
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Squeezably Soft: Colin the Colon Plush Toy
Now is your chance to buy your very own plush colon. Just like your real colon, this guy is lovable and squeezable. The only difference is this one is clean, won’t pinch off a loaf and it has googly eyes. Usually, it’s me who gets googly eyes, from straining too hard.
TMI? Deal with it. I name my pooping sessions after the books I finish with each sitting. I just took a huge War and Peace. Lately I’m a big George R.R. Martin fan too. The other day I took a Storm of Swords and later that night, I took a Feast of Crows sized dukie that almost set off the fire alarm. I’m calling this whole week A Song of Grunting and Fire.
This cuddly colon is only $30 from Etsy seller organbank, who makes lots of other plush organs too.
Have A Pixie Infestation? Get A Pixie Trap
Yeah I know. Pixies are so beautiful. They just flutter around, spewing glitter from their wings, granting virgins free wishes and making flowers glow in vibrant colors with their passing. I’ve seen the propaganda. The truth is that Pixies are pests. And pests need to be eliminated. With extreme prejudice. That’s what Pixie traps are for.
Sadly, this humorous piece from Etsy seller BlueMaiya is no longer avilable, but if you ask nicely maybe she will make you one. It was inspired by Brian Froud’s pressed fairies.
Donut Holes With Faces Salt and Pepper Shakers
These ugly and creeptastic salt and pepper shakers look scared as s**t. They should be, since they look like powdered sugar and cinnamon donut hole people. Otherwise known as munchkins in Dunkin Donut land. I’ll down a whole box of these, faces or not.
When they see me coming through the doors of donut heaven and walking up to the counter, they know what I want. They just hand me my box o’ munchkins. The box doesn’t even have a handle, because they know I’ll down ’em before she can even ask if I want a coffee, which I don’t. DD coffee gives you mud butt. Everyone knows that.
The point is, I’m really hungry now and your sweet sugary faces ain’t gonna stop me. But yeah, as salt and pepper shakers, these are real f***ing ugly.
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