Tag: accessory

Freaky Teeth Coin Purse

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vintage teeth coin purse
Your total is fifty dollars and forty-nine cents sir.

Here you go. Here is fifty dollars. And here is my Freaky Teeth Coin Purse where you can get the change. *Holds it up* You may open it.

Uh. I’m good. You open it.

No, I insist, you open it.

I’m not touching that mouth sir!

Go ahead. I can’t open it. I have arthritis.

Sir, you and your freak lady purse with teeth are holding up the line. Just go.

Well I never. *Bags my groceries and leaves* YES! This demented dental purse has saved me like seventy bucks this week. *Whistles through the parking lot.*

Cheeseburger Tie

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cheeseburger tie
I could drip grease and burger sauce all over this Cheeseburger Tie and nobody would notice. I’ll just wear it as a napkin and dab at the corners of mouth after every meal, like a truly civilized cheeseburger eater. Anyway, your accessories should match whatever you are putting in your mouth. At least that’s what Honey Boo Boo’s mom says. Which explains why she is fond of mayonnaise colored moo moos.

Sadly, I find myself blogging from KFC, where this tie won’t work at all. Anyway, I’m out. Time to close this laptop and get off the toilet. What the? No toilet paper? Is this a joke? Why would KFC not have toilet paper. Or even some napkins. Oh, that’s right. Cuz it’s finger lickin’ good! Real funny Colonel Sanders. Just for that I ain’t flushin’. There’s your bucket of chicken back.

Skeleton Wreath: This House Has Good Bones

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Skeleton Halloween Wreath
So….No door bell. How do I use this Skeleton Wreath? Should I just pick up a bone and use it to knock? Do I use my knuckles to knock on the skull? Maybe just shake the whole thing and make a ruckus? What the hell is a ruckus anyway? Am I causing one now? So many questions. All I know for sure is that I should probably turn around and run when I see a Skeleton Wreath on a door.
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Ringpet Turns Your Pets Into 3D Printed Rings

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Ringpet Turns Your Pets Into 3D Printed Rings
Turn your pet into a 3D ring! A company from japan, called RingPet wants you to wear your pets on your fingers. Just register on the Ringpet website and upload a few photographs of your pet taken from various angles and Ringpet does the rest.

Does ringworm count? I was rocking ring-worm long before it became fashionable. I’m gonna send them pictures of my cat, Mr. Fluff N Stuff. Then I’m gonna order like 10 rings and have two sweet sets of Kitty brass knuckles. You mess with me you incur the wrath of 10 vicious Kitties on two fists of furry. I mean fury.

Who am I kidding? I’ll probably just put on a finger puppet show for the cats in the neighborhood. I like to give back. They have given me so much. Fleas, cat scratch fever, poop on my floor…

Bogeyman Egg Separator

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Bogeyman Egg Separator
Holy Jesus! Now I know why everyone is so scared of the bogeyman. He really is full of boogers. Nasty, slimy egg boogers. This Bogeyman Egg Separator will make you want to skip breakfast all together. He looks like an old man with a severe case of the flu. No really. Like he has a whole briefcase marked “flu” on the outside, where he keeps his ebola.

That’s not a one tissue drip. That’s a go through the whole kleenex box and spray some lysol up your honker drip. You nasty old man!