Tag: art

Dragon Shoulder Companion

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

shoulder riding dragon
Is that a dragon on your shoulder or are you just happy to see me? Maybe a little of both, since I’m always happy to see someone with a plate full of french fries. *Grabs a bunch. Feeds some to my Dragon Shoulder Companion and stuffs the rest in my mouth. Sits down across from my dragon-less friend.*

Yes you can take my order. I’ll have enough raw meat for two. *Waits. Meat arrives* Do your thing Drago! *Dragon shrieks and breaths fire, cooking our meat and burning my dragon-less friend to a crisp. Everyone runs for the door.*

So how have you been? You’re looking a bit ashen. Why so quiet? *Taps him on the shoulder. Burnt jaw falls to the table.* Time to get out of here Drago. Bad Drago. Our dead friend is not food. C’mon we gotta stay one step ahead of the law. And the fire department.
Read more “Dragon Shoulder Companion”

Silver Dinosaur Head

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Silver Dinosaur Head
Man, rich people have all the fun and luxury stuff. By rich people, I mean people with $100 to spend. Like this insane silver dinosaur head. It will probably be on the wall in some house that has a baby. People will be all like, “Were you born with a silver spoon?”

And he’ll be all like, “No, but we had a silver dinosaur head! So yes I am better than you. Now, where were we? Oh yes. I said PASS THE GREY POUPON you peasant! Chop chop!”

Monster Beer Steins For A Monster Thirst

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Monster Beer Steins
These Monster Beer Steins from KachaktanoMugs will quench your thirst. For beer and for monsters. Quench your thirst. That’s a weird saying. It makes it sound like you are gonna strangle your thirst. Take that thirst! *Chokes self as I writhe around on the floor.* Yeah, I’m still thirsty. Also lightheaded and seeing pretty colored stars.

*Acts all nerdy and superior.* Yeah, well, you didn’t get all of the monsters… I don’t see Beer-ous Karloff. What about Herman “Heineken” Munster? What about the Creature From The Pabst Blue Ribbon Lagoon? *Quells nerd rage!* Gotta control my anger. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Mostly cuz I get all whiny and stuff.
Read more “Monster Beer Steins For A Monster Thirst”

Panty Hose Art

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

panty hose sculptur art
*Stares at the art on the gallery wall* Can I help you sir?

I’m looking for something sexy. Something that captures the essence of a woman throwing her clothes against an open window for a full week. Yes! Yes, that’s it! Panty hose art! Sheer genius! I’ll take two! I’ll pay later. I promise. No need to worry about me doing a runner.

Reminds me of a joke I heard once. How many animals can you fit in a pair of panty hose? 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, 1 beaver, and a fish that no one can seem to find. I’ll be here all week…

These go well with the jeans sculpture.

Large Whale Submarine Cutaway

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Large Whale Men Submarine Cutaway
All aboard! This Large Whale Submarine Cutaway lets you experience the inner workings of the largest mammals on Earth and see the men inside who drive them. They aren’t the dwarfs and elves I thought they were. It’s a whale of a good time.

A great catch. The deadliest catch? Enough sea references. I heard you telling me to shut my blow-hole. Well shiver me timbers and quiver me giblets, my giblets ain’t been this quivered since me timbers were delivered. That there is wordstuff coming full circle matey. Yer mind be blown. *Hand gestures explosion*
Read more “Large Whale Submarine Cutaway”