Tag: decor

Creepy And Cool Garbage Pail Kids Art Prints

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Creepy And Cool Garbage Pail Kids Art
These Garbage Pail Kids Art Prints from cultclassicsaz are pretty cool. When I was a kid, I used to think Garbage Pail Kids were the dudes responsible for picking up the trash from the curb. Everytime I would see the trash guy I would be like, “Where’s your kids?” and the dude would ignore me. So I asked again and again and again, every trash day. “Where’s your kids mister?” “I want to see your kids!” “What did you do with your kids?”

Until the dude picked me up by my shirt and said, “You wanna know where my kids are? My kids live with their mother cuz I’m a loser and I drink too much. I’m 3 months behind on alimony and I’m a s**t human being. I regret my entire life. My kids are better off, that’s where they are. Tonight I’m gonna go home and drink until I pass out. Then I’m gonna do the same day over again and wonder where my kids are myself ya little puke. Now get out of here!”

Mommy! Mommy! I think I found daddy!
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Gothic Horror Chess Set

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Gothic Horror Chess Set
Who knows how to play chess? Not me. I usually just bluff my way through a few rounds and then flip the table, knocking all the pieces down as I yell Checkmate. Then I walk away the clear winner cuz I didn’t waste two hours playing a nerd game. Even though I usually go home and play with action figures.

But if you have to play brainiac nerd games, this Gothic Horror Chess Set should do the trick. It features Frankenstein’s Monster, Dracula, Jekyll and Hyde, and Zombies. Oh and two nerds on either side of the board. I’m sorry. I’m just jealous cuz my sister sank my battleship then beat me at Connect Four.

Where?

There, diagonally!

Pull My Finger Fart Scented Candle

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Pull My Finger Fart Scented Candle
Pull my finger. *sharts* Be right back. I have to go clean up. You shouldn’t have pulled it that hard. What are you nuts? This is why I need a Pull My Finger Fart Scented Candle. That way, I can get all of the smell of this joke, without all the mess of sharting myself like a volcano.

This fart scented candle is so realistic, once you light it, you’ll want to light another match! It says it burns for 40 hours, just like your butt would if you laid this much stink yourself. Mmmmmmm. Smells like home. *Passes out.*

Zombie Claus Holiday Statue

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Zombie Claus Holiday Statue
Zombie Claus is here to deck the halls with rotting flesh and candy brains instead of candy canes. The stocking will be hung from the chimney with terror this year. This jolly moldy elf wants to take a bite out of your flesh. But that’s only after you hear the pitter-patter of undead reindeer on your roof and a groaning and rasping coming down your chimney. Christmas is now the day of the dead. I hope you got a shotgun last year, cuz you need it this year.

Game Over Man: Wedding Ring Casket

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Game Over Man Wedding Ring Casket
The Wedding Ring Casket is a tiny casket that symbolizes the death of your marriage. Just put your ring inside and and bury your wedding ring after you get divorced. If you ever want to get married again you’re basically a grave robber, cuz I don’t know about you, but I’m not buying a brand new wedding ring for a jillion dollars when I have a perfectly good one buried in the backyard between a parakeet and two turtles.

I’m not married, but I bought the ring like 20 years ago for when I meet the right girl. I think I’m just gonna bury it now and save myself some trouble. Hey, if I bury this thing and a worm crawls in the ring, are we married? I think that might be legally binding. Also, it would mean I have worms. That doctor was so right and all I did was yell and demand my lollipop while rubbing my butt against the floor. I knew if I waited long enough SOMETHING would worm it’s way into my heart.