Tag: etsy

Concrete Cyclops Skull

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Concrete Cyclops Skull
Okay Cyclops Skull, keep an eye on the garden for me. Get it? If you do just say aye! I kid, I kid. I just like talking to my garden decorations. Say, I need to plug in the weed whacker. Do you have a spare socket? Zing! Burn! I got you so good. We are having so much pun. Wanna hear some music? I’ll get my eye-pad. Where is it? Hmmm. Keep an eye out for me will ya? Man, I crack myself up. *Drops skull in garden* Laterz. Eye have to go eat!

Next day…

*Walks out to the garden whistling. Trips over cyclops skull and gets impaled by a rake. Dying…* Eye…Eye…Eye sorry. Ha ha ha erg gasp choke gurgle dead.

KaijuMon Pokemon Kaiju Art Prints

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KaijuMon Pokemon Kaiju Art Prints
Pokemon + Kaiju = KaijuMon! That is an awesome monster hybrid right there. Check out these cool art prints from MikeGoesGeek featuring different KaijuMon. These Pokemon catch all of us! There’s Venusaur and Onix, Charizard and Chrmander, Blastoise and Aerodactyl and more. These monsters are here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and they are all out of bubblegum. PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE THEM SOME GUM! Nevermind, there goes the candy store under Blastoise’s foot. Now he’s pissed he has gooey nasty candy stuck to his foot along with the head of the store clerk.

Oh well, it’s all over now. I TOLD YOU KIDS TO STOP HUNTING POKEMON. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? HOW FUN IS IT NOW? I’m off to loot toilet paper and cigs so I have some currency in this new world. What’s left of it.
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Freddy Krueger Starter Glove: Slash By Numbers

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Freddy Krueger Starter Glove Slash By Numbers
Let’s say you are demented and want to teach your kid about Freddy Krueger. Where do you start? I guess you could buy some hard to find horror inspired kids toys, or you could buy them a training glove. Like this Freddy Krueger Starter Glove. That’s just what I’m calling it. The knives on the fingers have been replaced by numbers. This way you can train the little one in a safe way.

I dunno. I’m just guessing that’s what it’s for. The seller thinks it’s for counting sheep, but no way that works. How am I gonna count sheep this way when my hands are always busy under the blankets? Maybe it’s a glove for those math-gangs I heard were terrorizing our neighborhoods, flashing gang signs and math problems at each other. I ain’t messin’ with none a that! Last time I got in between the Pythagoras Possee and the Wu-Trig Clan they beat the Pi outta me.
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Plush Loch Ness Monster: I Saw It! I Saw It!

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Plush Loch Ness Monster I Saw It! I Saw It!
Oh Nessie, you’re so fine. You’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Nessie. Hey Nessie. He’s plush. He’s supernatural. Even Leonard Nimoy was in search of him. I’m talking about Nessie. The Loch Ness Monster. Here he is in Plush Loch Ness Monster form. You’ve just had a sighting! Better report that shizz and share your blurry pic. Yeah, looks like a log with fins to me. You can take a pic of your crummy breakfast for instagram, but you can’t photograph a majestic and mythic beast huh? Whatevs.

Oh Nessie, what a pity you don’t understand
You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand
Oh Nessie, you’re so pretty, can’t you understand
It’s plush like you Nessie
Oh, what you do Nessie, do Nessie
Don’t break my heart, Nessie.

Fun Fact: Nessie has a wife named bessie and likes to swim with his daughter Jesse. Can we spot them? Lesee… Damn, I should be a children’s writer. That’s where my skill level is anyway. I so rock the market of the under-developed mind. Takes one to know one.
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Zombie Apocalypse Necklace

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Zombie Apocalypse Necklace
When in the middle of the zombie apocalypse, you gotta look cool. Wear something freaky and intimidating so zombies know you mean business. Like a necklace full of babies. That’s what the Zombie Apocalypse Necklace is. You’re also gonna need a baby on board sign. Cuz you know, you got babies on board.

Hey babies. Get on my neck! That’s right zombies, if I have a neck full of babies, I won’t have a problem chopping your head off. Yeah, that’s what I thought! Keep shuffling, you brain craving freak.

Can be worn as a necklace or as a creepy baby beard.