Tag: etsy

Breast Milk Flavored Toothpicks

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Breast Milk Flavored Toothpicks
Breast Milk Flavored Toothpicks. For when you absolutely need the taste of mother’s milk, but are like 40 years old. I’m just assuming. The seller says it’s for a “baby shower”, but I ain’t buying it. I didn’t just fall off the nerd truck yesterday. I was pushed off by my twin brother who wanted a womb all to himself. One day I’ll find him and get even. *Shakes fist.*

Anyway, like I was saying, I’m no idiot. “Baby shower.” Whatevs. It doesn’t rain babies. At least, not until I get to the party. Know what I mean gals? Bow chicka wow wow…
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Monster Toad Head

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monster toad head
Ribbit! Hey, look. A giant Monster Toad Head. I should totally kiss it and turn it into a Prince. Just to end it’s imprisonment. *Smooches it’s slimy face.* Well, that didn’t work. He’s still a toad. *Looks in the mirror.* What the deuce?!?! I’m a Prince. And not some dude that’s next in line to run a kingdom. I’m Prince as in Raspberry Beret. The kind you buy from the second hand store. This is friggin’ awesome. *Adjusts my frilly shirt.*

I’m out guys. Tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999, which means I have to buy a flip-phone and get ready for Y2K.
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RIP NWO Miniature Dollhouse Illuminati Tombstone

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RIP NWO Miniature Dollhouse Tombstone
It’s never too early to indoctrinate your dolls into the world of the Illuminati. This RIP NWO Miniature Dollhouse Illuminati Tombstone will help.

I’m confused. Are their plans for a New World Order dead? Or is it saying “Rest In Peace” because the New World Order has arrived? Either way, the Illuminati will be watching your dolls with that all-seeing-eye. *Makes triangle symbol with hands.*

My work here is done.

Taxidermy Bat Candelabra

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taxidermy bat candelabra
This Taxidermy Bat Candelabra is perfect for your haunted house. What? Everybody doesn’t have one? Mine’s been haunted for ages. By me. Sometimes my guests see a hazy green vapor that looks like ectoplasm and it is accompanied by a horrible stench. And the terrible groaning! Well, that’s what I get for eating the Burger King Black Whopper.

Back to the candelabra. It belongs in my batcave. But first I have to walk through like a mile of guano and clear it with the Elder bat. So I think I’ll pass.
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F**ked Up Halloween Kid’s Costumes

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scary kids halloween costumes 3
It’s that time of year peeps. That time when we dress up like monsters and go door to door expecting free stuff that will rot our teeth and fill our belly. Let’s take a look at some f**ked up kids costumes. Some of these are just weird, some may be a bad choice for innocent kids, others may scar a kid for life.

Like this Zombie Tutu Dress. Put it on your kid and they will have a strange desire to bite innocent victims and play hide and seek in a cemetery all day. When night comes, they’ll probably dig up a corpse and have a little midnight snack.
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