You are never drinking alone when you have a Kraken clinging to your bottle like a wino best friend saying, “Come on ya tosser. Give us a drink! I ain’t had too many no how. Give us just a lick.” These Kraken flasks from Etsy seller Elstwhen are krak-a-laka Kool.
*Glug glug glug.* Hey, why does my booze taste watered down and like Cthulhu backwash? You better lay off my hooch you big Octo-puss or I’m gonna play a little game I like to call Kraken-smackin’!
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I’m a simple dude. I don’t need see how the sausage is made. I just wanna wolf it down. Just like I don’t need to see the insides of humans. It’s gross. Which is why Doctor’s are messed in the head. What 5 year old says. “When I grow up I want to cut other people open and stick my hands all up in ’em!”? Doctors, that’s who!
Etsy seller tcustom has all kinds of human anatomy keychains and they ain’t no better than doctors! *Spits.* Now get off my lawn. Brains and insides is icky and gooey!
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I’m pretty sure this cool Dragon Fetus In A Jar is a prop from the un-filmed Dreamworks production called “How to Abort Your Dragon.” I think I read that they had budget problems. But this is the next best thing to seeing the movie.
Meet Cleetus, the awesome dragon fetus. He looks all cute and sleepy with his wings curled up close. But he’s not. He’s dead. Or she. I have no idea how to tell male and female dragons apart until one starts bitchin’ about how the other never does chores and stuff.
These dinosaur rings are ready to get on your fingers and fight to the death. ROooooooooaaaaarrrrrr! Do I make a convincing dinosaur? Aside from my prehensile tail I mean. Did they even have that? Who knows. This has been another fun game brought to you by my lack of education in the public school system.
Fun fact: I almost wrote pubic school system and giggled a little. Then I ate a PB & J sandwich and here we are. Where were we? Oh yeah. Dinosaur rings. It’s what we would all be deep frying instead of onions if they had never gone extinct. But they did, so we don’t. Dinosaurs I mean. Not onions. Onions are still here.
No need to cry about it.
I’m not. Just chopping onions.
Cool.
Evil Clown Skull Heels. Nice shoes Bozo! Surprisingly they are not huge like clown shoes. According to the seller they are technically “evil clown shoes with glitter soles”. But no souls of their own until they take yours. Through your feet, which will look like a carnival of horrors.
I’m pretty sure the devil wears these. Not Prada. But won’t know until I check the wife’s shoe collection.