Tag: etsy

Custom Built Zombie Crusher With Automatic Machine Gun

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zombie crusher
This may not be large enough for me to tool around in during the imminent zombie uprising, but my action figures are gonna love this Zombie Crusher With Automatic Machine Gun. I’ll be taking zombies out with some awesome head shots from above, while my GI Joes and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shoot at their ankles. Pew! Pew! Pew! You’re all clear kid! Let’s blow this thing and go home!

Now I have to find something for my My Little Pony figures to ride around in. That’s right, I said it! I’m a brony. Got a problem? That’s what I thought! Don’t make me go all Rainbow Dash on you! Meaning, I will run away super fast with my colorful jacket and go play with ponies.
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Lovecraft Tormented 3D Wall Hanger

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Lovecraft Wall Hanging
This terrifying sculpture is titled “Lovecraft Tormented“. Really? I never would have guessed that by reading his books. They always seemed so light and happy to me. I guess I’ll have stop reading his books to the folks at the mental hospital that I volunteer at. Sure, they cry and ask me to stop. And occasionally see Cthulu break through the wall like the Kool-Aid man, but that’s just because they’re cray cray. Right? Nah. Can’t be the books.

Cthulhuuuuuuu! Cthulhu where are youuuuuuu? See what I did there? That was the Call of Cthulhu. It’s a one man play that I just wrote. I kinda just gave the whole thing away for free, but that’s okay. I know I can take this thing to Broadway.

Cheeseburger Wristwarmer Set

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cheeseburger handwarmer
This cheeseburger wrist warmer set will keep you warm in cold weather, which beats buying like 4 Big Macs and stuffing them into your coat for warmth. One under each arm pit and two in this special bra I made. Go ahead and laugh, but I’m warm and toasty, even if I do smell like substandard meat all day. I also get a 6 pack of Chicken Mcnuggets, but I ain’t saying where I put those.

I would totally rock these, but I don’t see any pickles. You gotta have pickles.

Watch Your Back: Gold Googly Eye Bomber Jacket

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google eye jacket
Great Googly Moogly! Watch your back when wearing this Gold Googly Eye Bomber Jacket. I guess it already is being watched. It’s all business in front, making you look all gold and sexy. But in back, the eyes are following you. And creeping out everyone behind you. If you have any stalkers, this should be enough to get rid of them.

Don’t worry about strangers eyeing you up. Your jacket is already doing that. It’s like a field of Googly eyed stars all free-floating in space. All looking down at your badonkadonk.
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Taxidermy: Coyote Becomes Poodle Disco Queen

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

80s coyote
Etsy seller SaySwear’s neighbor made this hot little number. The neighbor came upon a coyote recently hit by a motorist and dead on the side of the road. She did what anyone would do. No, I don’t mean that she poked it with a stick and puked by the side of the road while doubled over. That’s what I would have done. No, she loaded it up and took it to a local taxidermist. Then SaySwear gave “Helen” a Disco makeover.

Funny when you consider that this Coyote’s favorite disco song was “I Will Survive”. At first I was afraid, I was petrified… “Staying Alive” was NOT her song.
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