Tag: freaky

3D Printed Replica Of Your Unborn Fetus

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3D printed baby
Ahhh, isn’t that cute? No. Fetuses look weird and freakish. It might be cute if it was cosplaying as a Pokemon or something. Or if it appeared to me in a dream with a little mustache and goatee, telling me I have to save the world. But no. Not cute.

This place will sell you a 3D Printed Replica Of Your Unborn Fetus so you can show it to your kid 20 years from now and watch him or her wig out when he realizes he was basically a tadpole with limbs.

P.S. Just called my mom and asked her to buy one. She sent them a pic of my freakish sonogram. After that nothing. So I called them back today and their operation sucks over there. Bad timing on our part. Seems like they have a little suicide/madness problem in house. Plus I could hear crying and shrieking in the background, along with, “I can’t create that! Don’t make me look again! It doesn’t exist. It SHOULDN’T exist!” Click.

Wow. Wonder what their problem is! I haven’t encountered anything like that since the guy who actually did the sonogram had a look at the unborn fetus and went nuts. He immediately completed the Japanese ritual of seppuku in the hospital room and prayed for “humanity’s protection from such foul beasts”. Anywho, check out this weird fetus art.
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Limited Edition Classic Monster Garter Belt

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universal monsters garter belt
Oh my stars and garters! Whatever that means. All I know is that this Limited Edition Classic Monster Garter Belt is sexy time with monsters, which as it happens is also the name of my new band. Basically the idea is that we get up on stage and dry hump a bunch of monster props. I’m in charge of the mummy and boy am I chaffing right now. Who’s got some Goldbond powder? No one? Itchy itchy ouch ouch!

Since this thing is a limited edition, you know that your girl is going to be one of the select few covering her Universal monster with another universal monster. Aaahoooooo! Werewolves of lingerie Aaahooooooooooo!

Four-Eyed Hairy Monster Picture Frame

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monster picture frame
Put a picture of your loved one in this Four-Eyed Hairy Monster Picture Frame and all four of it’s eyes will stare at the picture, making it a super creepy and awkward gift, since it will look like this thing is ready to devour them.

It’s like some hippy Tribble LSD experiment with four eyes and no mouth. Hey, Starfleet has it’s dark secrets just like our government. Theirs just tend to be more high tech and freakish. I bet this is their work. Probably ended with Ferengi genitals being attacked by this thing while some Redshirts try to pry it off.
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Pocket Fetusoids: Poke-Fetus?

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fetusoids
Pocket fetusoids! Fetuses for your pocket. If my geek speak is correct Pocket Fetusoids roughly translates to Poke-Fetus. And you know what that means. You gotta catch ’em all. Except I’m pretty sure that Poke-Fetuses are not caught with red/white Pokeballs, but captured with some sort of slimy womb-balls. He he. Womb balls. That’s hilarious. Womb balls are the next big thing. Just bounce them around until you find the prize inside. A gooey fetus! It will change the game of Basketball forever!

Back on track. All on my own too, without meds. So anyways, Pocket Fetusoids, some of which look like Jake the Dog. Note to self: Kickstart the National Fetusoid League and get some players onboard.
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Crazy 3 Foot Tall Monster Strung Up On A Tree

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hanging monster
He has terrorized you from under the bed for too long. He scares you to death even when you have a night light on all night. He steals your rolled up socks and puts sticky stuff inside so your mom finds it and sighs in disgust. So, when you finally catch the boogeyman, you know what to do. Tie his gnarled hands up and string him up in a tree for the whole neighborhood to see.

This 3 foot tall monster is nasty and just begging to be tortured by an angry mob as he hangs in that tree. “Drool included” of course.
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