Tag: fun

Create Your Own Zombie Action Figure Customizing Kit

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Create Your Own Zombie Action Figure Customizing Kit
How do you create a zombie? (Fun behind the scenes fact. I originally typed “Hoe do you create a zombie? and pictured a pimp shakin’ his cane at her as he said it all interrogation-like. I giggled. Good times. You best not be creatin’ no zombies hoe!) Anyway, where was I? ADD is like a maze wrapped inside a riddle and covered in a sweet enigma caramel shell. Oh yeah. Making your own zombies.

You see my child, when a filthy and rabid zombie loves your brain very very much, he bites you. That is how zombies are created. Now go to sleep and stop complaining about nightmares.

Or you can just buy this Create Your Own Zombie Action Figure Customizing Kit and make some yourself. On the other hand, the government used to create them with TV broadcasts.

Bear Sleeping Bag

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Bear Sleeping Bag
Check out this awesome bear sleeping bag. Mr bear says, “Get in ma belly!” and I’m like, “Uh. Okay.” Rumor is that it feels mighty nice to be slowly digested in a belly like that. How to get out once you’ve had a good night’s sleep. That’s the problem. That’s why that woman is sticking her arm out of the mouth. This thing is like a bear sarcophagus. No, not a bare sarcophagus. Bare means empty. That’s not what I- Oh forget it.

Me and bears have tons in common like that. First off we each weigh a ton. We’re big boned that’s all. We both love honey. And we both growl and crawl around on all fours being grumpy until you feed us. I am bear, hear me roar! *Roars mightily for 2 seconds and starts choking.*
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Flying Bats Necklaces

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Flying Bats Necklaces
These Flying Bats Necklaces from BellaMortaJewelry will put a whole bevvy of bats on your buxom bosom. I can practically hear them chittering and flapping their wings as they whoosh away into the twilight. I wish I was one of them. I want to be free like the bat, but every time I sleep hanging upside down I wake up on the floor with a neck injury.
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Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle

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Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle
This Gold Shark Toilet Flush Handle should be given out as an award to those who have logged the most time on the throne. Ha. Logged. I crack myself up. If you consider the toilet worthy of decoration, get yourself a gold shark. Man, I gotta get one someday. You know you’ve made it when you have a gold shark on the sh***er.

Like they say at the end of French movies….

Fin!

Sexy Bat Stockings: You’re Legs Drive Me Batty

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Sexy Bat Stockings You're Legs Drive Me Batty
The bats in the belfry and the silver spoon… I think I have that song wrong. Whatevs. I saw these sexy bat stockings and thought of you. You know who you are. That sexy sultry creepbay reader just laying on the sofa in a super model pose, wondering what the crazy creepbay writer will say next. I thought you would look lovely in these. You’ll like them so much that you will send me some fan mail. We’ll laugh. We’ll cry. *shhhhh. Just let me continue.* We will be swept away in emotion….

Then we would have a blind date and I would find out that you are a 600 man wearing sexy bat stockings and stretching them to their limit. You tell me how much you love the website and I puke in my mouth. Then on the table. Then the waiter would ask the two fat guys sitting awkwardly in silence for their order. I would excuse myself and escape. Then go home and cry.

Yeah, so let’s keep things professional here. I just thought you gals would like these. No need to thank me. No need for fan mail. *Shudders. Drinks some alcohol. Pukes a little.* We’re all just friends here.