Creature from the Black Lagoon Action Figure

Creature from the Black Lagoon Action Figure
This is the Creature from the Black Lagoon Action Figure that I’ve always wanted. One thing I never understood. Why is his lagoon black? Oil spill? I have no idea. I’m gonna get this guy and call him Gill. *Crickets* Get it? Gill? He’s got gills. *Silence* Tough room. Well, not that tough. I think I could take you all in a fight. If I was allowed to run home first and work out for like 2 years straight and come back.

Roses are red,
violets are maroon.(Color blind here.)
You always have to clean your carpet,
If your guest is the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Gold And Silver Vampire Rings

Gold And Silver Vampire Rings
This jewelry has bite. How annoying would I be with these Gold And Silver Vampire Rings? Putting my hands against people’s necks and telling them, “I want to suck your blood!” before getting punched in the Nosferatu. It would be pretty cool to wear these vampire choppers.

I’ll give one to my special vampire girl and she’ll say, “Fangs a lot! You really stoke the fires of my heart.”

Is your heart named Bram? Cuz I’m a real Bram Stoker and you have all the right vampire lestats!
Read more “Gold And Silver Vampire Rings”

Kraken Flasks

Kraken Flasks
You are never drinking alone when you have a Kraken clinging to your bottle like a wino best friend saying, “Come on ya tosser. Give us a drink! I ain’t had too many no how. Give us just a lick.” These Kraken flasks from Etsy seller Elstwhen are krak-a-laka Kool.

*Glug glug glug.* Hey, why does my booze taste watered down and like Cthulhu backwash? You better lay off my hooch you big Octo-puss or I’m gonna play a little game I like to call Kraken-smackin’!
Read more “Kraken Flasks”

Creature Eyes Lollipops

Creature Eyes Lollipops
These Creature Eyes Lollipops are scary delicious. I see an eye of newt, an eye of Sauron, an eye of the tiger(Gotta work hard to suck that one all the way down. Bonus joke: That’s what she said!) and an eye of horus.

All in favor say eye. *Slams eye lollipop gavel down hard.* The eyes have it. This meeting is adjourned. No wonder we never get anything done.
Read more “Creature Eyes Lollipops”

Dinosaur Rings

Dinosaur Rings
These dinosaur rings are ready to get on your fingers and fight to the death. ROooooooooaaaaarrrrrr! Do I make a convincing dinosaur? Aside from my prehensile tail I mean. Did they even have that? Who knows. This has been another fun game brought to you by my lack of education in the public school system.

Fun fact: I almost wrote pubic school system and giggled a little. Then I ate a PB & J sandwich and here we are. Where were we? Oh yeah. Dinosaur rings. It’s what we would all be deep frying instead of onions if they had never gone extinct. But they did, so we don’t. Dinosaurs I mean. Not onions. Onions are still here.

No need to cry about it.

I’m not. Just chopping onions.

Cool.