Victorian Dog Candles

etsy victorian dog candles
These beeswax candles from Etsy seller Darknessvoid are Dogs in Victorian dress. Do you smell the wax that they’re burning? Lifting their leg on? It’s a dog eat dog world. You might as well have some high class dog candles to like your way.

These are for the sophisticated dog lover. Not for the likes of you and me who let our pooches run around the dog park humping anything and everything. More for those types who carry dogs in handbags and tell the butler to clean up fifi’s poo with the gold plated family pooper scooper.
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Chocolate Tools

chocolate tools
Everybody needs some chocolate tools in their toolbox. These tools are made from chocolate. So if you have a screw loose and need a chocolate fix, grab a wrench and shove it in your mouth. The wife wants to know how the plumbing is coming along. *yelling* Just fine dear. *Om nom nom nom* Nothing going on in here. *Nom nom* Everything is just fine. *door opens*

Hi dear.

WHAT is all over your mouth and face? Have you been sneaking chocolate again?

Um….Blew in the sewer pipe…Had some uh… blowback. Toilet is working now. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just pack up what’s left of my tools and be off. Good day.
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Jaws Attacks Necklace

etsy jaws necklace
Who’s sharkin’ around for a new necklace? Something with some bite! Something that says my neck is a 70’s horror movie featuring an ocean predator about to attack an unsuspecting swimmer!

The Jaws Attacks Necklace is perfect! If you want, you can even replace the swimmer other stuff. Like grilled cheese, maybe a candy bar. Something that the shark can really sink it’s teeth into.

Magic Wands for Wizards and Witches

etsy wizard and witch wands
I am so stoked guys. I just ordered a magic wand. I’m gonna call it Wanda, because I’m just not imaginative. Syke! I’m gonna call it my “Wiz Wang”, because I’m sure it will be like a part of me when I learn spells. My Wizard instructor will be all like “Wands up class. This spell is- You, get your wand up and learn this spell. You called it Wang didn’t you? Well get your Wang in your hand and wave it like so. We can’t begin until you get your wang up young man.”

That class is gonna be so awesome and I’m gonna learn how to do all kinds of cool stuff. Me and my Wang all the way. We will be unstoppable. Screw you Harry Potter. Feel the wrath of my Wang!
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