Tag: home decor

Grim Reaper Toilet Paper Holder

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Grim Reaper Toilet Paper Holder
Where’d that Grim Reaper Toilet Paper Holder come from?

Hey Grim Reaper. What are you doing here, holding my TP for me?

Well, I was in the neighborhood and it smelled like death so…*shrugs*

I hear ya. I really gotta eat more fiber and roughage.

Where there is the smell of death, I am summoned.

Yeah, I thought I saw you for a sec when I was taking that 3 alarm dump in the woods last week. I knew I recognized those glowing red eyes. And last month when that cabbage fart nearly wrecked my jeans. I just wanna say thanks for looking out for me. Thanks for being there. You might want to clear up your schedule for Saturday night. All you can eat Mexican night. See ya then.

Gothic Graveyard Snowglobe

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Gothic Graveyard Snowglobe
Time to take a field trip kids. We’re going to a graveyard. A Gothic Graveyard Snowglobe! C’mon you didn’t think I was really gonna get up early and drive a bus full of whiny kids somewhere did ya? Hey, I bring the excitement to you. This snowglobe is the perfect spooky desk accessory. It’s a calm, spooky graveyard with a creepy gnarled tree. It looks like the whole damn town is buried in there. WTH? Must have been a natural disaster.

OR did I go on the field trip and crash that bus full of kids, and now I’m in a parallel reality? Makes you think. You see why I don’t take you guys anywhere? It’s much safer if I just show you cool stuff everyday. I think I’m buried right under the tree and you guys are fanning out from me. Feels crowded. Can my corpse get some damn elbow room for God’s sake?

Skull With Brain Electric Candle Holder

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Skull With Brain Electric Candle Holder
This Skull With Brain Electric Candle Holder is a really bright idea. No wonder the light bulb above his head is lighting up. It takes brains to come up with an idea like this and this guy has brains. I know because they;re exposed and a candlestick just happens to be shoved in there. This is an awesome and creepy electric candle. The very definition of interior frighting. I know because I looked it up in my 53rd edition Cobwebs and Creepery dictionary. It had a picture of this thing.

I bet those brains look great by candlelight. Someone said the same thing about me once, but that was a zombie who was trying to invite me to dinner.
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Dracula And Coffin Statue

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Dracula And Coffin Statue
This Dracula And Coffin Statue is the perfect gift for the vampire that has everything. Because now he can have a statue that shows him doing his vampire thing. Sometimes he’s in the coffin taking a little nap like Naps-feratu, sometimes you can display him awake and just hanging out by the coffin. This gift might even make your blood-drinking friend realize how lame their life is.

Life is about more than just a coffin you know. Maybe set an alarm so you don’t sleep all day long. By the way, have you looked for a job this week? We’ve had this talk before. You are what? 3000 years old and sleeping all hours of the day, out all night and you can’t even be bothered to do your chores around the house? You better shape up old man!

Cool Vampire Bat Wall Sculptures

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Cool Vampire Bat Wall Sculptures
These Cool Vampire Bat Wall Sculptures are a creepy and cool addition to your home. They’ll drive you batty. Cuz they look like they are about to dive bomb you and get all up in your business.

You can hang them in your home or put them in your garden. Seriously, they look like they are screaming at you as they are attacking. I’ll have to rethink these, cuz I already have a wife. Why do I want two more? What am I some kind of Bat-Mormon? Everybody stop screaming at me! I rue the day I included bats in this marriage! Can’t we all just get along?