Tag: housewares

Zombie Cutting Boards

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

zombie cutting boardThese zombie cutting boards are perfect for slicing and dicing. They are like a zombie killing manual for your kitchen, showing you where to hack and chop zombies for maximum damage. Basically these cutting boards make you an efficient disposer of walking corpses.

After the Kickstarter campaign completes successfully, (You know it will because zombies on a cutting board, hello.) they will create each buyer’s choice of zombie-themed cutting board or bread board. The thing is I’m not much of a zombie fighter. I’m more of a zombie go away as I hide in the corner, curled in the fetal position kind of guy. Sadly, they don’t have a cutting board depicting my particular cowardly style of dealing with rotting walkers.

Update: Now you can buy it from Etsy here.

via Technabob

Cthulhu Spoon Set

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cthulhu spoonDinner with Cthulhu is too dangerous, no matter how much of a fan you are. So, instead of dining with the ancient terror himself, use these Cthulhu spoons with your meal. They are much safer. But NEVER spoon with Cthulhu. Trust me on that one. The guy is all grabby x 8. Long story. It involves a rave, an out of work magician with a chicken and a bar on the east coast. Oh and a roofie in each tentacle.
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USDA Approved Meat Coasters

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meat coastersYou have to protect your furniture from drinks. Otherwise your wife will slap you silly, grab you by the neck and shove your face in it. That’s what happens around here anyway. So use a coaster. A manly coaster that will show her who the boss is. Like meat!

So after that little “incident” I got some meat from the fridge and slapped it down onto the coffee table. Then slammed my drink into that delicious slab of beef. See? I’m using a coaster! I am the man of this house!

It was a good plan. Until she made me eat it, all raw and bloody. My nerdy muscles could not overcome her. This package of meat coasters might be a better alternative.
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Alien Decorative Vintage Plate

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alien plateI have a set of these myself. This plate is just like the ones that grandmother used to use. Except this thing will hypnotize you so you do the alien’s bidding. That probably explains why I promptly finish my meal and drop trou, awaiting the grand magnificence of their painal probe.

Hell of a way to end every dinner. Only this last time, I pulled my pants up and only to find divorce papers on the table. The wife has a no butt-cheeks on the table rule. Elbows too.

Fruit Bat Wine Accessories

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Fruit Bat Wine AccessoriesBats in your belfry? That’s cool. Me too. I also keep my wine in there, so these Fruit Bat wine accessories are perfect. Good butler! Fetch me some wine and a fruit bat to open it with! These bar accessories would be awesome in Bruce Waynes Batcave or even in a haunted house. They come in a coffin box. Just $75 from Etsy seller Dellamorteco.

I used to have a pet fruit bat, but he died from the lack of fruit in the house. Apparently, fruit roll ups and starbursts don’t count. You live, you learn. Well, I live, I learn. Him not so much.
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