Tag: metal

Gold And Silver Vampire Rings

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Gold And Silver Vampire Rings
This jewelry has bite. How annoying would I be with these Gold And Silver Vampire Rings? Putting my hands against people’s necks and telling them, “I want to suck your blood!” before getting punched in the Nosferatu. It would be pretty cool to wear these vampire choppers.

I’ll give one to my special vampire girl and she’ll say, “Fangs a lot! You really stoke the fires of my heart.”

Is your heart named Bram? Cuz I’m a real Bram Stoker and you have all the right vampire lestats!
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Gothic Bat Ring

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Gothic Bat Ring
I’m Batman! No, really. Why won’t anyone believe me? I have the kick-ass Bat ring and everything. Geesh guys. Next time save yourselves. I knew I needed an entire costume, but I was trying to be different. Also cheap. Do you know how much capes cost these days? Just get a ring, I said. It will be a new superhero phenomenon I said. Nope. Not so much.

Well, my super career may be over, but at least I have this sweet bat ring. It’s super cool and batty in my belfry! HAHAHAHAAHHAH Oh man. I think I may be the joker!
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Custom Metalwork Eye Patch

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custom eye patch
Maybe it’s just me, but there’s something sexy about a lady in a Custom Metalwork Eye Patch. You’re a sexy sexy steampunk cyborg pirate aren’t you? They say that in the kingdom of the blind, the one eyed man is king. I say, in the presence of a one-eyed lady, I may actually have a chance. Don’t get me wrong, that chance is slim and none, but it is a chance.

Slim and none means no chance dumbass.

Shows what you know. Slim and nun means I have to go to church to find the girl of my dreams. Hmmmm. Getting through the door without burning a fiery death, that’s the problem.

Deep Sea Angler Fish Lamp

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Deep Sea Angler Fish Lamp
*Pretend swimming through my hazy and murky bedroom.* What’s that? Oh, shiny! I have to touch it. *CHOMP* This Deep Sea Angler Fish Lamp makes every day an adventure. A scary adventure, full of teeth.

This crazy fish is basically a flood light. Get it? Flood? It stands 5 feet tall, 4 feet wide and 5 feet long. The light over the head will lure you in so that when you walk closer, the eyes and body light up using a motion sensor light. I’m scared just thinking about it.

Lifesize Chrome Skeleton

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lifesize chrome skeleton
What’s up chrome bones? You’re looking shiny, but I’m not sure if you’re supposed to be a fancy lady or a dangerous pimp- *SMACK* Well, that answers that question. You got a firm pimp hand and I respect that. No, I swear I haven’t been holding out on you. I wouldn’t do- *SMACK* Damn dude, chill. Okay, okay. *Reaches into my man-bra and pulls out a wad of dollar bills* Have all of it. Geesh! That was supposed to be my pizza money. Anyhow, looks like I’m working for you now. Should I just put on some rouge and fishnets or hit the corner as I am? You’re right, I should probably put on some pants first. Can’t give it away for free after all. Laterz pimp daddy. Your hand and my face will negotiate terms later.

This Lifesize Chrome Skeleton can be dressed up, posed, hung from a second story window, buried, burned, sent down a steep hill in a barrel… You can do whatever you want with it. Just respect his pimp hand and he’ll treat ya right.
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