Oh look, it’s the devil. No, it’s a clown. No, it’s Ronald Mcdonald. You are all correct kids! He has come to serve horse meat and kick ass and he’s all out of horse meat! Over 1 billion impaled, with that pointy beard alone.
I can’t even look at this Evil Ronald McDonald Mask any more. Thanks for the nightmares. You’ve given me an unhappy meal for life.
Oh Gnome they dit’int! They filled some jars with gnome skulls. Not numb-skulls, which I get called on a regular basis, but gnome skulls. Have you gnome shame? I can’t look. I just feel gnome!
I had no idea that a Large Jar of Garden Gnome Skulls could look so creepy and horrible. Gnome more, please!
Gnome. Gnome on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play…with gnome bones.
Etsy seller limaceous makes all kinds of creepy and crazy, scary and slimey, gross and googly-eyed Snail Monsters. Buy one and they will mail it to you. Snail mail. Obviously. Good joke huh? Snailed it!
These little creatures are the perfect monsters. They’re all gross and nasty, but slow enough to run from. Plus, if you’re really scared you can just stomp them. Or slug them. Get it? I’m gonna use these to scare away real snails in my garden. Long story. It involves a septic tank overflow and a night full of thunder and lightning. Also stars me as the mad scientist. I’m not allowed to say anymore.
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Holy ingrown toenail horn. That is gonna require some tough actin tinactin! This Zombie Foot Toe Monster knows the thrill of victory, but also the agony of de-feet! What the hell is it even doing there in the garden? Demanding a foot rub? If I gave in, I would have to scrub my hands clean with fire afterward. But I’m not. I’m not giving in. Not unless you rub mine first.
*Takes off my sock and a thick green vapor like a stinky cheese genie escapes. The plants instantly wilt and decay. Zombie foot freak scurries away choking* Looks like you have met your match Zombie foot. Sucks though. Was looking forward to a foot rub.
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Ahhh. Look at the cute wittle fox. You so cute. You so- HOLY EVER LOVING GOD!
This Vintage Taxidermy Fox With Human Wax Face is freaky as hell. And you just know that scientists have already created something like this in their secret labs, forcing it to do funny tricks and stuff as they take selfies with it. Then when Muldar and Scully get too close to the truth they had to kill it, even though it had become an awesome scientist household pet and would watch Big Bang Theory with them every night, laughing and flinging it’s hybrid poo. The last thing we see is the cigarette smoking man incinerating the body. Ugh! I can’t look at it anymore.
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