Tag: novelty

Dig These Crazy Creature Fossils

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Dig These Crazy Creature Fossils
These creature fossils from Dustfull let you have some neat creature bones in your home without having to dig them up. I know that my neighbors get really pissed when I dig in their yard, even though I know for a fact that there is a giant T-Rex buried there. Hey, I was as quiet as I could be with that bulldozer. They don’t come with silencers. If they did I would be digging everywhere at night and stealing bones.

They have mermaid fossils, bats, dragons and more. I told you dragons exist! But no, you wouldn’t listen. Why would they show them on Game of Thrones if they were fake? Next you’ll be telling me that half the boobs on the internet are fake. Whatevs. Do your research.
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Brian The Giant Turd Stuffed Doll

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Brian The Giant Turd Stuffed Doll
I was just saying the other day that every Brian I meet turns out to be a real turd. I’m sure their not all bad, but man, I’ve met a lot of turds named Brian. Here’s another. Brian The Giant Turd Stuffed Doll. He’s ready to be displayed in your home so he can turd up your place. Hopefully they deliver him on time and he’s not turdy. I mean tardy. I’m not sure what his maker ate, but it looks like he’s got some green shading there. Also very puffy eyes. I guess it’s tiring being a turd. Or maybe he’s just sad he came in turd place in a contest.

Also, how do you get a turd that’s segmented in that way? I’m guessing you push, squeeze and push squeeze. I have no idea. And who would have thought that a turd could have such full lips? It’s from kissin’ butt on the way out. He’s a little brown noser. That’s probably why somebody gave him that shiner on his eye.
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Bat Coin Purse

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Bat Coin Purse
The next time you’re hanging out in the cemetery and you need some change, just reach for your hand dandy bat coin purse that is wrapped around your arm. Why you would need change in a cemetery, I have no idea. Maybe they have vending machines there now. Been awhile since I hung out in graveyards. Too boring. It’s always so dead there. Vending machines would really help. That way you could also just leave coins for the dearly departed in case they need a snack. It wouldn’t be the first time a spirit has wandered aimlessly under the pale moonlight looking for a Baby Ruth. No biggie. I do that in my sleep all the time. Sometimes I actually manage to find one. One time I did wake up clutching a turd in a truck stop restroom though. I probably should curb my hunger.

When I get rich I’m so putting vending machines in cemeteries. They’ll leave the change for their loved ones and I’ll sweep it up every night. Put it in a giant pile and dive in it everyday. I’m so awesome. I love me. Gonna buy me something special when I get rich.
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Horror Book Themed Candles

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Horror Book Themed Candles
It’s been awhile since I sat down with a good book. You know why? Because books aren’t very good at conversation. Also, because books don’t have the internet with built in naughty websites. Books also don’t feed me. There’s actually a lot of reasons now that I think about it. At least now I can enjoy some good books with my candles thanks to these Horror Book Themed Candles.

These decorative candles from FirstEditionCandleCo have a little book attached and you can even use them as bookmarks. They will make your place look all creepy-like. Gotta say though, these are not that original. I created these back in the great fire of 1996 when I last read a book by candle light. The fireman gave me the candle covered book as a souvenir along with a slap to the back of the head.
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Articulated Paper Dolls Depicting Mythical Creatures

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Articulated Paper Dolls Depicting Mythical Creatures
These Articulated Paper Dolls Depicting Mythical Creatures from ArdentlyCrafted are pretty cool. Pfft. If you play with dolls. *Stealthily hides my GI Joe and kicks my Barbie under the desk.* Just kidding. I don’t type on a desk. I type on a computer. Duh! I would look like an idiot typing on a desk all day. That wood has no keys.

Anyway, these paper dolls of supernatural creatures are pretty friggin’ awesome. I plan to put together a whole playset and create a Mythical Wrestling Federation so they can all fight to the death. My money is on the Chupacabra being the last one standing. They also have Bigfoot, a Kraken, Cerberus, a Pegasus and more. They are all articulated too so you can move their limbs and stuff.
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