Tag: odd

Tushiez Vases Are Herb Garden Holding Butts

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Tushiez Vases Are Herb Garden Holding Butts
So basically these Tushiez Vases Are Herb Garden Holding Butts. Butts that hold herbs or small plants. They are anatomically designed to be the most accurate butts they can be. Except the weiners are missing cuz people lose their shizz when they see a weiner, even if it’s on an old Roman statue. Weiners just aren’t enjoying the kind of popularity they had in ancient times when they were swinging everywhere and knocking into everything like swords. They need better PR. That’s my new company: Weiner PR. Let’s make weiners great again.

I don’t know. Looks like these were based on Cherub butts or something. Hey, can you get me some fresh sage? Sure, but I don’t know how fresh it’s gonna be coming out of this dude’s butt though. Look at ’em all lined up and jostling each other. That guy on the left is all like, hey, stop with the pushies on my tushiez already. No you stop your pushies on my tushiez!

This Coffin Cutting Board Is Perfect For A Last Meal

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This Coffin Cutting Board Is Perfect For A Last Meal
How ironic would it be to cut yourself while using this Coffin Cutting Board and bleed out, therefore going directly to a real coffin? That’s ironic. Don’t ya think? Ittttt’s likeee raiiinnnnnn on yourrrr weddding day…… Sorry about that. Had a touch of Alanis Morissette syndrome. More like Adonis Morissette, cuz I’m so effing handsome! The ladies know what I’m talking about.

Also ironic if you get salmonella on this board and you die. I wonder how he’s doing. I haven’t seen Sal Monella in ages! Dude makes me laugh. Absolutely kills me every time.

Cryptozoology Tracking Society Patches

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Cryptozoology Tracking Society Patches
Yeah, I remember getting some of these Cryptozoology Tracking Society Patches when I was back in Paranormal Boy Scouts. I hunted down Mothman and got that patch. Hunted down the Chupacabra and got that patch too. Little freak scratched my arm and gave me gangrene. I never got the Loch Ness Monster patch cuz I never made it to Scotland. Also never got the Jersey Devil patch cuz seriously, f**k Jersey.

Put these patches all on one jacket, then go out into the woods and dare these beasts to mess with you!

Evil Glowing Clown Masks

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Evil Glowing Clown Masks
Beware the Glowing faced evil clown in a suit. That’s what my mom always said anyway. I never understood what she meant until this very moment. Cuz really, this is the same woman who said, “Beware the dishwasher in striped pajamas”. Mom was a drinker. Yet oddly enough her prophecies come true. It just sucks that I have to take the pajamas off and THEN load the dishwasher, but whatevs. These Evil Glowing Clown Masks from NeonNightLife are some real nightmare fuel.

It’s like clowns have arrived from the future to terrorize us so they can rule the Earth in 2057 and make the world one big circus tent freak show. Prepare to be tied up by balloon animals and taken to an internment camp for non-clowns via a tiny car packed full of these guys. I got my bug out bag, so I’m out peeps. Enjoy all those pies in the face and getting acid in the face as it squirts from the flowers on their shirts. Sick bastards!

Scary Skeleton Socks

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Scary Skeleton Socks
Want some bones for those cold lower digits? These Scary Skeleton Socks will do. You might say they are skeleton crew socks. Get it? I love these socks. I say sock it to me! Are your feet cold or are they skulled? Skulled is better. Okay, don’t skulled me for such a bad joke. I had a pair like this once. I wore them until the bones had holes in them, so I just drank a bunch a milk and repaired them. True story. But I left out the part where I was drunk. And now I’ve shared it. No secrets from you guys, cuz we’re BFFFs. Best Friends For F**ks Sake!