Tag: stuffed animal

Plush Loch Ness Monster: I Saw It! I Saw It!

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Plush Loch Ness Monster I Saw It! I Saw It!
Oh Nessie, you’re so fine. You’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Nessie. Hey Nessie. He’s plush. He’s supernatural. Even Leonard Nimoy was in search of him. I’m talking about Nessie. The Loch Ness Monster. Here he is in Plush Loch Ness Monster form. You’ve just had a sighting! Better report that shizz and share your blurry pic. Yeah, looks like a log with fins to me. You can take a pic of your crummy breakfast for instagram, but you can’t photograph a majestic and mythic beast huh? Whatevs.

Oh Nessie, what a pity you don’t understand
You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand
Oh Nessie, you’re so pretty, can’t you understand
It’s plush like you Nessie
Oh, what you do Nessie, do Nessie
Don’t break my heart, Nessie.

Fun Fact: Nessie has a wife named bessie and likes to swim with his daughter Jesse. Can we spot them? Lesee… Damn, I should be a children’s writer. That’s where my skill level is anyway. I so rock the market of the under-developed mind. Takes one to know one.
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Puppet Head And Hands Taxidermy Trophies

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Puppet Head And Hands Taxidermy Trophies
I’m really digging these Puppet Head And Hands Taxidermy Trophies, but I want to request a Tickle Me Elmo version, to see what Elmo would look like after I tickled him with a shotgun out in the wild. I’d also like to see some of those Fraggle Rock dudes mounted on my wall. Puppets and I have a weird history. A weird and bloody history. *Shudders.*

The seller has several. But no Elmo damnit! They make great coat racks. Things are creeping me out.
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Undead Tooth Plush

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Undead Tooth Plush
There’s nothing worse than an undead tooth creeping around your house, probably pissed off because you used some string attached to a door handle to yank it out. Now it just floats around in ghost form and torments you.

Makes my mouth hurt just looking at this bloody disgusting thing. I’d tell it to go toward the light, but it already did that when it left my head. Where’d you go Tooth? I got a water pistol full of listerine. If I can’t get a dentist to exercise you, I’m gonna at least get all the funk off ya!

Gigantic Worry Eater: Great, Now I’m Really Worried

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plush worry eater
The idea behind this Gigantic Worry Eater is that kids can feed it their worries, fears, doubts, and anxieties. Just write down a worry or fear, shove it into its mouth, and zip its lips shut. Your worries are supposed to be gone. Problem is, this creepy, striped and head-tentacled monster is pretty effin’ scary. He’s gonna be the cause for any worries your kids have.

*Writing* Dear Worry Eater. Please don’t eat me. Please stop watching me while I sleep. Why is your fat body big enough to fit me inside? I hope this note appeases you and that in your great wisdom, you decide to spare my life. Signed, your victim for all time. P.S. Sorry for stuffing you full of dirty socks in an attempt to kill you and escape my torment.

Cuddle Clones Turn Your Pet Into A Stuffed Animal

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cuddle clones
Cuddle Clones is a service that makes a stuffed animal version of your pet from a picture. They look pretty realistic. It gives your dog a doppelganger. Or is that dogpelganger? This service also comes in handy if Fido kicks the bucket. That way you can remember him. If you want to be really weird, you can go right on taking Fido for walksies and poopsies. Hey, whatever floats your boat.

I wonder if they do humans. I not only need a buddy for the carpool lane, I also need something to put in my bed to fool my wife when I sneak out at night to gamble and drink. Nah. I never do anything that manly. It’s mostly just late night computer games and trolling online. If this doppelganger works, the My Little Pony forums won’t know what hit them.
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