Tag: taxidermy

Mounted Predator Head

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

mounted predator headI finally bagged me a Predator. Even if it does look like a watermelon mated with a spider. They are surprisingly easy to catch. Just cover yourself in mud and they’re all like, “Where did you go?” So I popped up and surprised him. That’s how I got this sweet Predator head for my wall.

Like 4 more were off to the side laughing. I held their friend’s head up. “This is funny spider-face?” What’s that smell? Smells like taco night, just before bed. Oh, right! That mud was butt-mud. Figures I would hide in a pig-pen. They just gave me a wide birth as I left with my trophy. That’s right. I’m the man!
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Greaser From The Booze Lagoon Taxidermied Head

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

greaser from the booze lagoonHey, it’s the creature from the booze lagoon. What’s up bro? Drag any sweet ladies into your filthy water hole lately? Why you looking at me like that? Dude you have anger issues. Was just asking how you’ve been. Damn.

Click through for the seller’s short story about this taxidermy head.
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Turn Any Hipster Into A Cuckoo Clock With This Bird Head Brooch

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bird bow tieNeed to up your wardrobe? Just put a bird on it. It’s like a chestbursting alien, only it’s a dead bird’s head. And there is no blood.

Just affix this $95 bird head to your shirt and you are now a cuckoo clock. Maybe you can rig it to pop out on the hour. I hope you and your fine feathered friend have lots of adventures together. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Click through for more bird-on-man images.
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Weird Taxidermy: Two Frogs Walk Into A Bar

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

beer drinking frogsSomeone paid $25. for this. These guys are having a drinking contest. The guy on the left just slammed his bottle down, slammed down his hand and is like, “I effing got this!” *Huge frog burp* The guy on the right doesn’t even care. He’s just happy to be inebriated since the other frog is paying.

Fun fact: Carta Blanca means “blank check”. I know that because my landlord challenged me to a drinking contest once. Halfway through, he’s all like “Carta Blanca! Rent Gringo!” I’m like, “What? You know I don’t speak landlord.” He’s all like, “Pay rent. You sign. Leave amount blanca. That space for me to fill out.”

Now I know better. Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you. Now I get a discount on rent, because his buddy(Guy named Coyote apparently) comes around once a month and hides stuff in my house. Sometimes people. It’s a game they play.

Weird Hoof Taxidermy Purse

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

hoof purseLooking for a new purse? You better hoof it to the store and pay like crazy money for the latest and greatest pieces that bear expensive names who wouldn’t even shake hands with the likes of you. And besides, those un-calloused hands are too busy whipping their slave labor.

Screw that jazz. Just head over to Ebay and buy a purse that looks like it will run away as soon as you set it down. Hey, where ya going with my lipstick? The hoof purse is just $110 and if somebody ever tries to steal it, they are gonna get some serious kicks from animal hooves as you swing this thing. Seriously, the cops will identify the perp by the hoof marks on his weaselly face.
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