Tag: unique

Bat Wing Heart Necklace: Batman Approves

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Bat Wing Heart Necklace
Here’s one from “Bat” Midler. Did you ever know that you’re my hero? You are the wind beneath my wings. And that wind smells rancid. But that’s only because you had tacos today, so I totally get it. I love you anyway. Here, have this awesome Bat Wing Heart Necklace. Because you’ve flown away with my heart, then taken it back to your bat cave and nibbled on it while hanging upside down and pooping bat poop all over the cave floor.

If bats hang upside down to sleep, do they ever have nightmares and poop all over themselves? Probably. Bats aren’t very smart. Anywho, this awesome necklace makes a great gift for the bat lover in your life. Who doesn’t love bats? I love bats. You love bats. Baseball players are always talking about ’em too. We are all batty for bats.
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Deck The Halls With Ugly Christmas Ornaments

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Ugly Christmas Ornaments
Damn son, you gots some ugly Christmas ornaments. SoUglyitsCuteCrafts has all kinds of ugly Christmas ornaments to ugly up your Christmas tree. Normally, I just throw my own turkey leg on the tree, but now I don’t have to. There’s also an ugly pickle, ugly Santa hats and ugly poop. Why spend all day beating your tree with an ugly stick when you can just buy these ornaments. The ugly stick takes a while to work. Trust me on that one.

In my case it took 9 months in the womb. But that ugly stick may have just been my dad still doing the nasty after mom was pregnant. Whatever it was, it was scary. Left me ugly too. No wonder I’m so messed up. Thanks dad.

You ornaments are nasty. U-G-L-Y You ain’t got no alibi, You ugly. You ugly.
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Embryo Pendants In Santa Hats

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Embryo Pair In Santa Hats
What’s up hombres? I mean Embres. Em-bre-os. Bryos before hos right? I’m just messin’ with you guys. Looking good. Forming up nice. Got your little Santa hats on. All cuddled up with each other on your little bed. You look hungry. What are you trying to say? Ohhh, I get it. “Feed us.” Hey, that’s a terrible joke for a fetus to make.

These Embryo Pendants In Santa Hats are just plain freaky. What kind of fetuses spoon each other in bed while wearing Santa hats? They will assault my nightmares tonight and I look forward to doing battle. I hope they find me a worthy adversary as my sword delivers the finishing death blow.

Cleetus was a fetus
and he liked to act elitist.

The womb he did pester
until the third trimester.

And now he’s a loud-ass baby crying all night. Make it stop. Make it stop. Please make it stop!
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Freddy Krueger Burnt Skin Christmas Tree Ornament

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Freddy Krueger Burnt Skin Christmas Tree Ornament
Deck the halls with Freddy Krueger’s burnt flesh. You can almost smell the evil bubbling. This Freddy Krueger Burnt Skin Christmas Tree Ornament is pretty awesome. If you could get a whole bunch, it’ll make it look like Freddy exploded and there’s bits of him stuck in your tree. Eww! Yet cool. But I’m freaky like that. Here are some matching fleshy Nikes.

Jingle Bells
Burnt flesh smells
Freddy laid an egg.

My little song gets worse, but that’s all I’m sharing cuz I would like to sleep tonight. I don’t want to tick him off.

Squid Plush Body Pillows

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Giant Squid Plush Body Pillows
It’s a squid party on the couch and everyone’s invited. Everyone with tentacles that is. You can have your very own squid squad, which sounds like an awesome underwater buddy cop show. I can’t wait to see the pilot. Well, hello Ms. Calamari, so glad you could make it. Squidworth my man, how are you? Give me five…multiple times. I’m just squid-ding around with ya. Don’t spit at me. Think before you ink my brotha! We all gonna Netflix and chill? Not like that my man. You crazy. We’re just gonna hang and have a good time.

When you have a bunch of squid, you’ve either got a party or a dinner. These Giant Squid Plush Body Pillows make it a party. Fill up your couch and snuggle with them all night long. Just don’t cuddle too long. Things get weird. Is it an adult activity at that point? I’m not judging. Just be aware that it’s a fine line between innocence and a weird, plush squid orgy.