Author: Artemis Winterford

Spill Your Guts With The Zombie Babe Corset

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Zombie Babe Corset
It takes guts to wear this Zombie Babe Corset. Hey girl, your insides is on your outside. Wanna talk about it? C’mon spill your guts. Oh… Sorry. That was insensitive of me. Where ya going? I can ex-spleen. Damnit! I didn’t mean that. Look, I was just ribbing you. It wasn’t my intestines to make you mad. I really do admire your intestinal fortitude. Oh c’mon. How can I look at this corset and not have this stuff on my mind? It looks pretty. Really it does.

What do you mean you can’t stomach me anymore? Hey! How come you get to say that stuff and I don’t?

Interior Frighting: Spine And Skull Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Interior Frighting Spine And Skull Lamp
Damn. My Spine And Skull Lamp isn’t working. I think I slipped a disc. Better call the chiropractor to come over and repair this thing. Funny story: I slipped a disc once, because I slipped on a disc. One of those old AOL discs that the postman filled my house with in the 90’s. Here’s a good one. Ready? How do Chiropractors do their hair? In-verte-braids! They like to play jump rope and play with dolls too. It’s weird.

I dated a chiropractor once. She was a real head turner. Don’t worry, she soon set me straight! Chiropractors are not all they are cracked up to be. It’s spine. Really it is.

Cthulhu Onesie Is Cthulhu Funsie

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cthulhu Onesie Is Cthulhu Funsie
This Cthulhu Onesie is Cthulhu funsie. An ancient evil has awakened and you get to crawl inside. Cthulhu will keep you warm and toasty, but you will never be sane again. So I guess this onesie is perfect for me, since I’m already not sane. I’m not insane, cuz doesn’t that imply that I’m “In” sane, as in, in the sane? The English language. Now that’s insane. Insane in the membrane!

This fun onesie- I’m calling it a funsie or if a 500 dude gets in it, a ton-sie. This Cthulhu shell for nerd adults will insure that your friends leave you one by one, so that you are always wearing this around the house alone. Just the way it is.

Critter Trophy Head Replica

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Critter Trophy Head
This Critter Trophy Head Replica is going to look good in your home. There’s nothing like a critter above your sh*ter. As long as they aren’t coming from the toilet we’re all good. These guys are seriously messed up. The only species in the galaxy that failed to evolve toward basic dental care. C’mon… I’m not gonna make a joke about the British. You guys…

I’ll put this critter on the wall and act all tough like I shot it myself, when really I hid in some bushes while my Safari guide took it down. That’s one thing you have to know about me, I’ll only talk tough and brave when I already have your head on the wall.

Goosebumps Slappy The Dummy Replica And Annabelle From The Conjuring

Artemis Winterford3 Comments

Goosebumps Slappy The Dummy Replica And Annabelle From The Conjuring
TheScaryCloset lives up to their name by storing murderous dolls in their closet. Like Slappy The Dummy From Goosebumps and Annabelle from the Conjuring. These life sized replicas are pure nightmare fuel. Never want to sleep again? Buy these freaky freak faces. Yeah, these things are conjuring goosebumps all over my skin.

Click through for a shot of Anabelle too. It’s stuff like this that reminds me there’s a hell. You gotta act right or this is your afterlife. Having lunch with Lucifer and his demon dolls for all eternity. I’m changing my ways. At the very least, no more using swiffer pads and putting them back in the box, so I can get my money back. I’m turning over a new leaf.
Read more “Goosebumps Slappy The Dummy Replica And Annabelle From The Conjuring”