Author: Artemis Winterford

Pocket Fetusoids: Poke-Fetus?

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fetusoids
Pocket fetusoids! Fetuses for your pocket. If my geek speak is correct Pocket Fetusoids roughly translates to Poke-Fetus. And you know what that means. You gotta catch ’em all. Except I’m pretty sure that Poke-Fetuses are not caught with red/white Pokeballs, but captured with some sort of slimy womb-balls. He he. Womb balls. That’s hilarious. Womb balls are the next big thing. Just bounce them around until you find the prize inside. A gooey fetus! It will change the game of Basketball forever!

Back on track. All on my own too, without meds. So anyways, Pocket Fetusoids, some of which look like Jake the Dog. Note to self: Kickstart the National Fetusoid League and get some players onboard.
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Halloween Michael Myers 8 GB USB Flash Drive

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michael meyers flash drive
This Michael Myers 8 GB Flash Drive is all about storing your data. As opposed to, you know, killing people in great numbers every Halloween. Come on Mike. Why ya gotta be like that? If someone ticks you off on Halloween, just egg their house. Throw some toilet paper in their tree. Put soap and shaving cream on their car. He’s always taking things too far.

Well, now he wants to make up for it by storing your images and songs and stuff in his little demented body. He’s about 2 inches tall and doubles as a key chain.
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Eye Exam Chart Tights

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eye exam tights
These eye exam chart tights will let you check out a great pair of legs while also taking an eye test. Damn girl! You gots a fine pair o legs. And thanks for the free checkup! You’ll be happy to know that I scored a perfect 100% on the test. The real question is, how do I score with you? Hmmm? They say I’m popular with the tight-wearing 20-30 year old female demographic.

On the other hand, I also score high with the crazy cat lady 60-70 year old demographic. Beauty is both a blessing and a curse.
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ButtHeads Are Cuddly Plush Cigarettes

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buttheads cigarette plushWhat a bunch of ButtHeads. Some are cute and some look grumpy, but these butts are for cuddling not for smoking. You can choose from: smoked, not smoked or stepped on. Pro tip: If they come home with lipstick on their filter, you know they have been cheating on you.

These huggable and lovable butts might even help you quit smoking. Just punch it or hug it. Or both. While others are lighting up in their smoking areas, join them with your ButtHead and softly caress it as you smell that sweet smoke. Take it with you everywhere in place of smoking. On the bus, to the movies, to dinner. When the craving becomes too much, strangle your ButtHead. That’s what it’s there for. It’s sooooo hard to quit. Which is why your ButtHead will end up shredded, on the wrong side of a knife as you completely lose it.

Damn. That felt good. I need a smoke after that.

Cthulhu Bobblehead

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cthulu
What’s green, looks scary as hell and bounces around on your desk? No, not that booger I just flicked. well, okay that too, but I’m talking about this cool Cthulhu Bobblehead from Etsy seller stexe. We’ve featured his work before. He makes some pretty cool stuff, like these Burning Man candles.

This thing is no good for my OCD. Make the head bobble and roll a D10 for a Sanity check. Make the head bobble and roll a D10 for a Sanity check. Make the head bobble and roll a D10 for a Sanity check. There goes my whole day.
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