Meditate on this! Buddha Cthulhu offers not enlightenment, but insanity. Buddha Cthulhu just laughs at you. Telepathically. You are beneath him. He cares not for your Earthly vessel and your Earthly problems. He just wants to sit and chill. So why are you bothering him. F**k off! Give BC some space and get out of his tentacled face. What does an ancient evil have to do to get some peace and quiet?
Put this guy on your desk and bask in his awesomeness.
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We all know that humans and cows are being abducted by aliens. It’s no secret. That’s why they are now putting UFOs abducting cows on milk bottles. This cool concept design for Molocow milk makes every serving of milk a recreation of a terrifying cow abduction. They say it’s fun for kids. I say it is terrifying for cows. I do like the cool flying saucer bottle caps though.
It’s all fun and games until that beam of light hits you and lifts you up into the mothership and violates your privates, whether you are a cow or a human. I hope they actually put this on their bottle though. I’m sure they will milk the idea for all it’s worth. If you think UFOs are utter nonsense, think again.
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I’d like to tell you about these Area 51 Coasters, but the place doesn’t officially exist. Nope. There’s nothing there but desert. If you think you saw something it was only a mirage. That’s what the nice men wearing black told me. Yep. So that’s how it is. I didn’t see anything. I was never there. Those men were never here questioning me. They said so. I never saw no stinking UFO wreckage, there was no alien corpse and if I think there was, that’s gonna be the end of me.
This Zombie Cow Butter Dish is utterly amazing. see what I did there? Did you know butter is made from milk. I can’t believe it’s not utter. Heh. Let’s see how many utterly useless utter jokes I can make about this awesomely weird butter dish. I can’t believe I’m about to utter this, but I admit that I love it. More of a pork chop guy though. You know, the utter white meat. I could go on all day, but you don’t want that and neither do I. That would be an utter travesty.
This Pumice Stone Skull Candle Holder is awesome. Looks like an old grey castle where a witch lives. I bet my wife is moving in there. It looks pretty cool all lit up. Like it would talk to you in a booming voice that only you can hear.
WHO DARES AWAKE THE MIGHTY SKULL OF DOOM?
Uh…Me? I guess me, yeah.
OH! WELL COME BACK IN AN HOUR, I”M BEAT!
Stoned more like. Get it? Cuz you’re made of pumice?
YOU HAVE DISPLEASED ME MORTAL! RETURN UPON ONE HOUR AND I SHALL SMITE THEE WITH MY ANCIENT POWER!
*Waits for it to fall asleep again then smashes it to pieces with a hammer.*
This is why I can’t have friends. *Sigh*
*Sweeps the ancient evil up in a dustpan and dumps it into the trash.*