Category: Just Plain Weird

Moby Whisk: Whisk It With A Whale Tail

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moby whisk
When some batter comes along, you must whisk it. Now whisk it. Whisk it good. With a whale tail. Whale hello! This mixing whisk has a whale tail. Thankfully, not the kind you see at Walmart. For those you would need a much bigger bowl. It is taking the kitchens of animal lovers everywhere by storm and goes perfectly with the Loch Ness Monster Ladle.

Have a whale of a good time while whipping up some food for the family. It’s really over-whale-ming.
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Main Drain Turns Your Toilet Into A Urinal

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main drain urinal
The Main Drain is for people like me who come home drunk and pee against the wall thinking they’re still at the bar and hosing down a urinal. Clean up is a real pain and slipping on pee can lead to serious injuries. The solution is not to stop drinking, but to turn your toilet into a urinal.

That’s what the Main Drain is all about. Just put your main vein in front of the Main Drain and drunken peeing will no longer be a pain. It attaches to the side of your toilet. One question. If I’m too drunk to hit what I’m aiming at already, what makes you think I won’t drop a deuce in this thing, thinking I’m using a fancy space toilet? Does it have a warranty is what I’m asking.
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Bloody Horror Candle

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blood candle
If you live in a house of horrors, where the walls bleed, the sink bleeds and otherworldly voices tell you to get out, this Bloody Horror Candle won’t even be noticed. But if you have a nice calm house that wasn’t sold to you by a demonic Realtor, this candle should scare your guests all by itself.

As it melts, it drips blood and just looks like a nightmare in general. On the other hand it does smell like crisp apples, with a touch of orange and spice. Smells bloody delicious.

Garbage Pail KidsTrading Card Notebooks

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garbage pail kids
Garbage Pail Kids. They’re all kinds of gross, but you can’t help but love these little freaks. So what else can you do with those cards besides collect ’em, put ’em in the spokes of your bike and stick ’em all over your parent’s expensive stuff? You can make notebooks out of ’em. And that’s just what Etsy seller ESNotebooks did. Pretty cool. The seller has several to choose from.

Garbage Pail Kids! Puhhhleaseeee! I was a dumpster baby before it was cool. In fact, I can’t get anywhere near a dumpster without wanting to jump in and nest. And suckle on mother’s sweet and possibly radioactive trash juices. Hey, the corners of Hefty bags make for some good sucking. No worries. I grew up nice and strong….smelling.
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Decorative Coffin Full Of Chocolate

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

decorative chocolate coffinSweeeet! A Decorative Coffin along with the chocolate that’s gonna put me inside it’s cramped embrace one day! Important note: These aren’t real chocolates, which is why my first bite ended in agony with bits of broken tooth all over my floor. Tried superglue, but that just made my mouth look like tetris pieces all lined up like in a game played by a twitchy speed freak.

So it was back to the dentist. I walk in and it’s the usual. Sees me. Smiles like a lunatic. Pulls up some luxury car websites on his iPad and asks what I’m going to be buying him today. I like that he includes his victims in his purchase decisions. Looks in my mouth. I point and say “Tetris”. He looks deeper. “No. That’s more like Jenga. Let’s get started. Which piece should I remove first? Love this game.”

After that I just remember waking up to him yelling “YAHTZEE!” and shaking my teeth in a cup with some nurses in the corner of the room.
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