Tag: bizarre

Furry Cat Clutch Bag

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

furry cat clutch purse
This cat clutch bag looks like a show cat had a date with a steamroller. Minus the bloody organs and tire tracks of course. It’s purrfectly pink and you girls will want to get it right meow. It’s a great accessory if you are having a Fancy Feast at a restaurant or just sitting at home eating a tuna sandwich while sighing as you watch your 70 cats go about their business of coughing up hairballs and pooping to the gentle sounds of Maury Povich on the TV.

Just one more cat can’t hurt. It’s just a clutch purse. It’s not like you have a problem. You can stop at any time.
Read more “Furry Cat Clutch Bag”

Christmas Presents Opening Children Poster

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Creepy Christmas
Every year it’s the same thing. Kids waking up on Christmas morning to tear the gift wrapping to shreds, to get at their presents. How do you think those presents feel? They are bound by ribbon, wrapped up tight with bright colored wrap and held hostage under the tree until your grimy-fingered rugrats appear at the break of dawn one morning and slice them to pieces!

Well, now the tables are turned. This year, the presents will be opening the kids! I love how even though you can’t see what’s in little Susie’s torso, the boy present is just yanking a firetruck out of little Bobby. Serves him right. Bobby was a whiny greedy brat! And look at all of the children under the tree that they still have to open.

Well Preserved Thieving Elf Hand With Coin

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

elf handHow about a lil bit o’ the elf what thieved ya? What doya say Govner?

In the mid 19th century, many Northern European homes had issues with elves, the epidemic was not dissimilar to the infestation of rats or mice that many homes endure today. In the autumn if 1877, an impoverish farmer noticed his small savings of coins were rapidly dwindling despite the fact that he’d spent none of it. Fed up, he set a trap, days later he caught a small elf. As punishment for stealing his coins the old farmer lobbed off the creatures hand, still holding the man’s stolen coin. Countless attempts have been made to remove the coin but it remains today, still clutched in the grasp of the creature severed limb.

So I says to him…I don’t right know if at was the elf what thieved me…but he ad a hand init!
Read more “Well Preserved Thieving Elf Hand With Coin”

Garbage Pantz: Pants For Your Garbage

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

garbage pantz
Garbage Pantz are plastic covers that you can put on your outdoor trash can, so that it looks like it’s wearing pants. Sadly, it looks exactly like some of the bin buckets I see walking around Walmart. In fact, you may be walking down the street one day and mistake this for one of your large buddies.

I thought I saw Mike today. Really? That’s cool. Well, I drove by real fast, but I’m sure it’s him. He just seemed to be standing there in the same spot, when I passed again. That doesn’t sound like Mike. We better get in the car and make sure he’s okay.

Fifteen minutes later…

Is that him? I can’t tell. Looks like his big butt. Those thighs are all him too. Nobody wears husky like him. I’m going across the street for a better look.

No. Wasn’t him. Just some weird garbage can with jeans on it.

Wait look! There he is at the McDonald’s across the street, force feeding two big macs in his mouth with a fistful of fries. Thank God he’s alright. He’s lucky to have friends like us.

Primordial Ooze Toys Are Gross And Fun

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Primordial Ooze
Fred Marinello sells some really strange and weird toys. Which of course means that we are all over this stuff. You can find a lot of freaky stuff in his online store, but some of the coolest may be these Primordial ooze toys. They all look like they just crawled out of the primordial soup and they aren’t too happy about it.

Waiter! There’s a half-formed dinosaur in my (primordial) soup.

These things are nasty and gross and colorful. Make sure you display them so that kids can see them. They like to live in the nightmares of young children. And bloggers! Gonna be another Nyquil and rum night for me!

Thanks Fred.
Read more “Primordial Ooze Toys Are Gross And Fun”