Whether trying to get through a power outage or just setting up a candlelit dinner for two, live by the light of Cthulhu with this Cthulhu Candle. If he scares you, don’t worry. You get to watch his tentacled evil mass burn.
This hefty Cthulhu candle weighs about 1 pound and stands about 4 1/2 inches tall. He also has an’afterlife’ scent. Wait. Does that mean only he can smell it when he’s all burned down and dead? I have no idea. I thought he would smell more like burnt octopus.
Looks like Jason Voorhees was finally put to rest. Inside of this Jason Voorhees Coffee Table. Little known fact. Jason once worked at the grocery store, where he first became known as a slasher. Price slasher that is. That man could knock 3 cents off a can of beans, tag it with the price gun, and you would swear you got 10 cents off. He was that good. That was before he traded in his price gun for a machete.
This killer coffee table comes from Australian company Slaughter FX and it will slaughter your wallet, like your wife suddenly had octuplets and all you have to your name is a Ford Pinto and your paper route. It’s not a time I remember fondly, but there was no way I was gonna let her pin those grabby little Cephalopods on me. That’s a whole other story.
Anyhow the Slaughter FX website lists the table as being sold out, but maybe you can beg them to make you one. They are $600 with a glass top, and $500 without.
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Tired of friends leaving sweat rings or drink stains on your tabletop? No worries. Try these Cat Butt Coasters: The Quicker Pucker-Upper. Just lay them out when you have company and these little clenched up Cat butts will keep your surfaces clean.
Keep them away from that one guy. You know, that one guy everybody knows, who has to be the joker and like, starts pushing M & M’s through the pink knitting in the center. He’s all like, hey look at this guys. He gives a chocolate suppository to the coaster and embarrasses everybody, so that you regret even inviting him over. Yeah, sadly I am that guy.
My parents used to say, “Brush your teeth, or you’ll go extinct like the dinosaurs!” My grandparents used to say, “Bwush or teef or ul gah estint lit da vinotars.” My grandparents had no teeth. And were dinosaurs. So they knew what they were talking about.
Brush your teeth kids. Like boobs and testes, you only get one set. And these Dinosaur Toothbrush Holders from Etsy seller SnarlingBunny(Stop snarling at me! Why are you foaming at the mouth? Great, I have rabies now!) make brushing fun.
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Check out this Crazy Five-Eyed Dog Sculpture. Give me five! Hahaha. I used to have a dog with five eyes and it really isn’t funny. He got old and cost me a friggin’ fortune at Lenscrafters. Finally got him some sweet mirrored sunglasses. He looked like he had a solar panel on his head. I’m just saying, I know what these dogs are like.
Go fetch. He’s like fetch what? I see stuff on both sides of my head and from up above. Human jerk. Dog had so many eyes I named him Mississippi River. Had to add the river because Mississippi only has four I’s. Then he decided to get cataracts. Naturally I had to pay five times the going rate. Then I cried a Mississippi River and told the vet to end my suffering by ending that five eyed freak! I’m still paying for it. TWO eyes people. Have pets with two eyes! Can’t stress that enough.
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