Tag: decoration

Christmas Elf On The Shelf Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Costume

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elf on a shelf ninja turtle
This elf is bad to the bone. He doesn’t just sit on the shelf. He cosplays while he’s up there. As a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Etsy seller Candygramscreations makes all kinds of clothes so you can dress your Christmas elf for success. This outfit comes with a front and back shell, a belt, mask, and 4 swords. Cowabunga!

Basically she is making elves super hip and cool, because otherwise, they just sit there creeping you out. Thanks for making the world a better place. I sometimes dress my Christmas elf up as a D and D elf, because I basically have no imagination. Sometimes as one of the Rice Krispies guys.
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Orna-Meat: Meat Christmas Ornaments

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meat ornamentsThese meat ornaments will look good on my tree this year. There’s nothing like a tree full of steaks to get a jolly fat man to leave you more gifts. It worked for me last year. I got a Christmas miracle. Sort of.

Last year I threw all kinds of meat on my tree, steaks, fish, lunch meat, I even made a star out of hot dogs and rubber bands. I just knew that tubby old elf couldn’t resist. I lay in bed that night listening to the noise of Santa rummaging around and bumping into stuff. He hissed several times and even broke some of my knick knacks.

In the morning my sleepy eyes awakened to the magic day. I went out to the tree..The damn cats had attacked the tree like furry piranha. They were still gorging themselves. The Christmas miracle under my tree was a ring of cat s**t all the way around. Another ring of cat vomit around that.

Meat. It would have worked if not for those damned cats!

Skeleton Dog On Leash

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skeleton dog on a leash
This Skeleton Dog On a Leash is man’s best bony friend. Plus, he’s already been dug up from a pet cemetery and cleaned up, so you don’t have to dig all night in the moonlight.

He won’t shed, he won’t poop and he won’t bark. It’s the perfect dog for runway supermodels, since dogs always look like their owners. In this case all bones and thigh gaps everywhere.
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Mancave Wreath With Antlers, Toilet Paper Holder, Beer Cans, Rifle Shells

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man cave wreath
This Mancave Wreath With Antler Toilet Paper Holder, Beer Cans, Rifle Shells was obviously created in a trailer in the woods one night with The Dukes of Hazzard or Duck Dynasty playing in the background as a couple of guys debate how hot Paula Dean is and argue about who shot some squirrel and who gets to eat it.

I’m pretty sure.

Giant Inflatable Furry Black Cat

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giant black catMouse problem in your yard. Go for a nuclear solution and get this massive 8 foot inflatable cat. You will never see a mouse again! In fact, this giant cat will keep everything away from your yard. Maybe even trick or treaters. And that means more candy for you. I usually buy a bag of Reese’s peanut butter cups and a bag of old lady candy. I keep the former for myself and give the latter out to all of the little ghouls and fools.

Haha. Suckers. Get the good stuff when you’re old enough to buy it yourself! That’s probably why the side of my house looks like a runny omelet and why my tree looks like a toilet paper dispenser from hell. It’s like the friggin’ Purge around here by like 8 o’clock.

Anyway, this giant and ferocious cat has a furry plush coat, glowing eyes, and an animated head that turns to look around. Get the furry version or a non-furry version. Video below.
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