Tag: etsy

Bunny Butts In A Flower Pot

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Bunny Butts In A Flower Pot
Give the gift of Bunny Butts In A Flower Pot this Valentine’s Day or Easter. Because there’s nothing quite like being mooned by nature’s carrot eaters. Reminds me of that time I fell in and got stuck in the garbage can cuz the wife threw out a Reeses cup. On one hand, it was like being in a dark mine shaft upside down. On the up side, the wife had also thrown out a box of twinkies so… I had provisions.

Thank God for the fire department who used a dremmel to cut the garbage can in half. But not before using my exposed plumbers crack as a tool tray. “YO, that screwdriver is cold!” The other half of the garbage can was stuck to my gut for like a week until I lost weight. Kids called me “Fatty the Scottish Knight”. You know, cuz of my metal kilt and all. Kids can be so cruel.

Black Death Soap

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Black Death Soap
Black Death Soap. Do you use this to get rid of the black death or do you get it from the soap? I have no idea, but I know there is a plague doctor right on front. So I know it’s plague doctor approved. I’m just not sure what his intentions are. What kind of business does he have his beak in now? You can’t trust them. I heard if you let them peck some seed out of your hand, they’ll give you the really good medicine. You know what I’m talkin; bout! The good stuff. Black Plague or not, you will be on cloud nine, and you won’t care what happened to clouds one through eight.

I’m talking Robitussin obviously. Which goes by the street name ‘Tussin. Also Nyquil. If you’re anything like me, after two doses you won’t care that the bird in that rainy back alley behind the Quickie Mart isn’t a real plague doctor. You’re just happy he prescribed the good stuff.

Alien Couture: Cthulhu Dress

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Alien Couture Cthulhu Dress
When I talk to Cthulhu I look him in the eye. And if I ever get a chance to talk to a girl wearing this Cthulhu Dress, I’m gonna look her in Cthulhu’s eyes too and compliment them. Get it? The eyes at where the boobies are. *Giggles.* You look lovely in that dress. It has awakened an ancient evil from down below, if you know what I mean. Wink wink. Nudge nudge. What I’m saying is, you have nice tentacles. I’m saying you’re a hot mess in a Cthulhu dress.

Wear these with some Kraken heels and I’m yours honey. You drive me insane. No really. It’s a short drive, but it’s full of potholes and toll roads. Let’s take tha road trip together.

Ghostbusters Terror Dog

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Ghostbusters Terror Dog
Who ya gonna call? Well, to be honest, I thought I might order a pizza, maybe call for some Chinese. Then call 911 for my food poisoning. So my phone is gonna be tied up. Who should I be calling? Ghostbusters? If I ever see a Terror Dog like this, I’ll text them. Same if I see that green booger Slimer!

I’VE BEEN SLIMMED!

What, like some ectoplasm dropped from the ceiling and you had instant weight loss?

WTF? SLIMMED MAN. SLIMMED.

Can you send us a pic. We don’t wanna come out if there’s no paranormal activity.

HANG ON. *Sends selfie!*

Hmmmm. No way you got slimmed. I’d say you weigh 350 easy.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I- OH. LIMED. I MEANT LIMED!

I didn’t see any citrus in that pic.

SLIMED! MY S WAS NOT WORKING! YOU COMING OR WHAT?

Nah! We’re good.
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The Goat Man vs The Chupacabra Salt And Pepper Shakers

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The Goat Man vs The Chupacabra Salt And Pepper Shakers
Ladies and gentlemen, the match you have been waiting for. No, not my butt, your face! The Goat Man vs The Chupacabra. It’s the goat vs the goat sucker. The South American sucker vs the horned half-man. Fight! Oh no. The Goat Man has left the ring and is eating all the trash. What’s this? The Chupacabra has jumped off the top rope and clothes lined the Goat Man. The Chupacabra is doing all it can to suck the blood from the Goatman, but all the goatman wants to do is eat the arena garbage…

Make every meal an episode of In Search of… Or sightings, or Ancient Aliens or whatevs. You determine who is salt and who is pepper. These crazy cryptids want to spice up your life.