Eye Exam Chart Tights

eye exam tights
These eye exam chart tights will let you check out a great pair of legs while also taking an eye test. Damn girl! You gots a fine pair o legs. And thanks for the free checkup! You’ll be happy to know that I scored a perfect 100% on the test. The real question is, how do I score with you? Hmmm? They say I’m popular with the tight-wearing 20-30 year old female demographic.

On the other hand, I also score high with the crazy cat lady 60-70 year old demographic. Beauty is both a blessing and a curse.
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ButtHeads Are Cuddly Plush Cigarettes

buttheads cigarette plushWhat a bunch of ButtHeads. Some are cute and some look grumpy, but these butts are for cuddling not for smoking. You can choose from: smoked, not smoked or stepped on. Pro tip: If they come home with lipstick on their filter, you know they have been cheating on you.

These huggable and lovable butts might even help you quit smoking. Just punch it or hug it. Or both. While others are lighting up in their smoking areas, join them with your ButtHead and softly caress it as you smell that sweet smoke. Take it with you everywhere in place of smoking. On the bus, to the movies, to dinner. When the craving becomes too much, strangle your ButtHead. That’s what it’s there for. It’s sooooo hard to quit. Which is why your ButtHead will end up shredded, on the wrong side of a knife as you completely lose it.

Damn. That felt good. I need a smoke after that.

Cthulhu Bobblehead

cthulu
What’s green, looks scary as hell and bounces around on your desk? No, not that booger I just flicked. well, okay that too, but I’m talking about this cool Cthulhu Bobblehead from Etsy seller stexe. We’ve featured his work before. He makes some pretty cool stuff, like these Burning Man candles.

This thing is no good for my OCD. Make the head bobble and roll a D10 for a Sanity check. Make the head bobble and roll a D10 for a Sanity check. Make the head bobble and roll a D10 for a Sanity check. There goes my whole day.
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Carry Your Heart On A Leash

heart on a leash
I have your heart on a string Creepbay readers? That’s so sweet. And so true. I love you too. Smoochies. Let’s make out. Well, you have my heart on a leash. So take me for walkies, cuz I have to lift my valve and pee out of my aorta. I’m hoping to mark some fire hydrants and I have a few trees that need the bark burnt off of them.

Etsy seller iimio created this freaky walking coronary for a project on “the body clock” while attending Tama Art University’s graduate school. It really walks. There’s a video below to prove it. Apparently they built two so they could race them at what they’re calling the great Pacemaker race. It’s priced at $8,648.65, which is still way cheaper than buying a replacement from a Doctor.

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Gotta Stuff ‘Em All: Pikachu Mouse Taxidermy

taxidermy pikachu
This stuffed Pikachu mouse is going to look great next to your stuffed Ash squirrel. I’m assuming you have one already. He’s a little stiff, but he’s ready to fight for you in the Pokemon tournaments.

I don’t know much about Pokemon, but I’m pretty sure they should do more than stand there being dead. Maybe he’s just playing possum so he can lure his enemy in real close, then he’ll kick Squirtle in the nads. I’m hoping it’s Squirtle anyway. Can’t stand that guy. Does he even squirt? If he does, that’s nasty. Finish him Pikachu!