If you live in a house of horrors, where the walls bleed, the sink bleeds and otherworldly voices tell you to get out, this Bloody Horror Candle won’t even be noticed. But if you have a nice calm house that wasn’t sold to you by a demonic Realtor, this candle should scare your guests all by itself.
As it melts, it drips blood and just looks like a nightmare in general. On the other hand it does smell like crisp apples, with a touch of orange and spice. Smells bloody delicious.
This giant cardboard robot arms DIY kit lets you create…giant cardboard robot arms. Sweet! I am gonna terrorize everybody. At least until somebody figures out my kryptonite. NO! Not the box cutter! If that happens I’ll just run away to my robot lair and cry. Then move to another town and terrorize them all over again.
The kit comes with everything you need to create two giant robot arms and it will take you around 5 hours to complete. They measure 5.5 feet long. This is gonna be fun. Cower before me humans!
Read more “Giant Cardboard Robot Arms”
Get thee behind me Satan! What the hell does that even mean? Oh, I get it. These Crucifix high heels(Technically they don’t have heels) have crosses on the back, so if Satan is behind you and the size of a dwarf, he’s totally toast. Man, dressing for church used to be so much easier back before they required you to wear crucifix shoes.
Not that I know anything about church. The last time I entered the place, I started burning and hissing and speaking in tongues. That STD just hurt like hell. I was all like, Quit hitting me with that holy water! Then I was all like, Wait! Try it on my pee-pee Padre. Oh, that’s better. So soothing and mentholated. I knew that chick was trouble when- There she is in the first row!
That’s my daughter!
Congratulations. That’s my peen’s worst nightmare. I’m off to see the wizard. And by wizard I mean a pee-pee specialist.
Garbage Pail Kids. They’re all kinds of gross, but you can’t help but love these little freaks. So what else can you do with those cards besides collect ’em, put ’em in the spokes of your bike and stick ’em all over your parent’s expensive stuff? You can make notebooks out of ’em. And that’s just what Etsy seller ESNotebooks did. Pretty cool. The seller has several to choose from.
Garbage Pail Kids! Puhhhleaseeee! I was a dumpster baby before it was cool. In fact, I can’t get anywhere near a dumpster without wanting to jump in and nest. And suckle on mother’s sweet and possibly radioactive trash juices. Hey, the corners of Hefty bags make for some good sucking. No worries. I grew up nice and strong….smelling.
Read more “Garbage Pail KidsTrading Card Notebooks”
Sweeeet! A Decorative Coffin along with the chocolate that’s gonna put me inside it’s cramped embrace one day! Important note: These aren’t real chocolates, which is why my first bite ended in agony with bits of broken tooth all over my floor. Tried superglue, but that just made my mouth look like tetris pieces all lined up like in a game played by a twitchy speed freak.
So it was back to the dentist. I walk in and it’s the usual. Sees me. Smiles like a lunatic. Pulls up some luxury car websites on his iPad and asks what I’m going to be buying him today. I like that he includes his victims in his purchase decisions. Looks in my mouth. I point and say “Tetris”. He looks deeper. “No. That’s more like Jenga. Let’s get started. Which piece should I remove first? Love this game.”
After that I just remember waking up to him yelling “YAHTZEE!” and shaking my teeth in a cup with some nurses in the corner of the room.
Read more “Decorative Coffin Full Of Chocolate”