Tag: halloween

Leather Zombie Backpack

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Leather Zombie Backpack
If you plan to go wandering the wasteland of the zombie apocalypse, you are going to want a backpack that says, “This is what happened to the last zombie bastich that messed with me. Come at me undead bro! Bring it!”

This zombie backpack has your back and he’s conveniently faced away so he won’t bite you. That doesn’t mean you can tease him and put stuff near his mouth and watch him snap though. Don’t be cruel! You can store all of your apocalypse accessories inside of him. Pretty sweet.
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Movie Monster Ties

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Movie Monster Ties
These Movie Monster Ties are awesome. Wear ’em and be all fashionably creepy. I would buy one but I would need my mummy’s help putting it on. And she’s no help at all between the arthritis and all of those bandages on her fingers.

I love my mummy though. Of corpse I do. Why wouldn’t I? Confession time: My dad is the Wolfman (Daddy also might be Dracula. We don’t know for sure.) and me and my brother are twins. In the delivery room they called us a creature double feature. Here’s a poem I wrote about my life story.

After we were born mummy became a rummy who smoked too much and called us dummies.

Stained Glass Black Bat Night Light

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Stained Glass Black Bat Night Light
This Stained Glass Black Bat Night Light will put a bat up in your belfry. Sorry, that sounds like something dirty that Dracula would say. I vant to suck your blood. Then I vould like to put some bats in your belfry because you are a good looking woman.

Say, what is Dracula’s advice for not getting depressed by living a crazy long life on the night shift? Very simple. B positive.

Raven Ring

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Raven Ring
*gets down on one knee. Pulls out the trusty old Raven Ring and presents it.* Nevermore!

Nevermore? What do you mean nevermore? You’ve never been more embarrassed? You’ve never been more disgusted at the prospect of a long life with me?

Nevermore!

Just take the ring. Do you have any idea how much this bird’s head cost me? You don’t love me?

Nevermore!

Screw it. That’s the last time I practice my Edgar Allen Proposal to a bird!
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Create Your Own Zombie Action Figure Customizing Kit

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Create Your Own Zombie Action Figure Customizing Kit
How do you create a zombie? (Fun behind the scenes fact. I originally typed “Hoe do you create a zombie? and pictured a pimp shakin’ his cane at her as he said it all interrogation-like. I giggled. Good times. You best not be creatin’ no zombies hoe!) Anyway, where was I? ADD is like a maze wrapped inside a riddle and covered in a sweet enigma caramel shell. Oh yeah. Making your own zombies.

You see my child, when a filthy and rabid zombie loves your brain very very much, he bites you. That is how zombies are created. Now go to sleep and stop complaining about nightmares.

Or you can just buy this Create Your Own Zombie Action Figure Customizing Kit and make some yourself. On the other hand, the government used to create them with TV broadcasts.