Tag: novelty

Roswell Alien Sculpture

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Roswell Alien Sculpture
This is an alien from Roswell. You remember that UFO crash? It was in all the papers, until they hushed everyone up and secretly made friends with the aliens, trading Easter peeps for technology. Anyway, this Roswell Alien Sculpture is all like, “Hey man, wasup? We just kinda crashed in your yard. It will take us about 4 hours to fix this old hunk of junk, so in the meantime hows about dropping them pants and lettin’ us probe you? What say you human?”

This thing is gonna look sweet in my front yard once I get some plaster and make him anatomically correct. See why my neighbors love me?

The Ultimate Cthulhu Purse

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The Ultimate Cthulhu Purse
Do you Lovecraft? I love craft? Especially scrapbooking, embroidery and the occasional bedazzling of random objects. You know what else I love? Lovecraft. Sure do. That’s why I dig this Cthulhu Purse. Imagine sticking all of your important belongings into this amazing beast. Hell, anything you drop in there may be gone forever since this is likely a portal to another dimension. Say what? It’s true. Somewhere there is a giant planet sized mound of lipsticks, black books, eyeliner and more. All from previous owners. Cthulhu eats a hearty meal from this pile every seven days and gets strong for his impending crossing across the veil. And now it can be your turn! They say if you put your ear up to it, you can hear him belching.

Zombie Cow Butter Dish

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Zombie Cow Butter Dish
This Zombie Cow Butter Dish is utterly amazing. see what I did there? Did you know butter is made from milk. I can’t believe it’s not utter. Heh. Let’s see how many utterly useless utter jokes I can make about this awesomely weird butter dish. I can’t believe I’m about to utter this, but I admit that I love it. More of a pork chop guy though. You know, the utter white meat. I could go on all day, but you don’t want that and neither do I. That would be an utter travesty.

Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses

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Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses
Whoa! Who’s that cat-eyed vixen walking down the street so sexy and sure of herself? It could be you! That’s who! Imagine yourself all cattin’ around and battin’ around with these Bats & Black Pearls Cat Eye Sunglasses. Looking like the cat who ate the canary- Wait. Is that really yellow feathers on the side of your mouth? Dissss-gusting girl!

What exactly are you hiding behind those sunglasses? Oh I see. The bright red eyes of a bird-eating vampire. Well, I guess you have to get blood where you can find it. Come to think of it, you’re talking to a whole bag full of blood right now. *gulp* *Loosens collar nervously. Come to think of it- Tightens it again* Yeah, it was nice meeting you. Heh. I’ll just- I have stuff to do. For people who know where I am and are expecting me. Heh. Good luck on your feeding. *Zips away like a cartoon*
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Hand Embroidery Of Saint Cthulhu

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Hand Embroidery Of Saint Cthulhu
Worship at the altar of Saint Cthulhu with this Hand Embroidery Of Saint Cthulhu. It’s sacri-licious. Speaking of sainthood, what’s a guy gotta do to get sainted around here. This morning I helped an old lady across the street, later I even gave some down and out woman some money. I mean, sure, the old lady was running away from the nursing home(at a half mile per hour) and that nice lady I gave the money to was a prostitute, but still, I’m pretty sure I made both of their days.

I guess I’m gonna be a sinner and not a saint. The church never returns my letters anyway and that online petition for my sainthood only has 10 signatures and those are from my crazy cat lady neighbor and her nine cats. Not givin’ up though. I’m gonna keep rock n’ rollin’ if you keep on rock n’ rollin’. I know I can do this. We can do it together.