Tag: novelty

Drinks With Death Halloween Fascinator

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Drinks With Death
This Drinks With Death Halloween Fascinator doesn’t scare me. I’ll drink death under the table. ANOTHER! *Slams shot glass down on the table. Wipes my lips with my arm. Stares intently at death. Then passes out and hits the table after the first drink.*

This fun Halloween Fascinator (That’s a fancy word for putting absurd things on your head.) has a drunken skeleton clutching a cherry-topped cocktail and a light-up brain. Which describes the end of my work day pretty well actually. He’s even laying in the same position, except I’m clutching my computer, not a brain. There are also two eyeballs.
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I’d Tap That Beer Goggles

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beer goggles
Some guys need like 40 drinks until they have their beer goggles on. Me? I just wear these I’d Tap That Beer Goggles while entering the place. I’m not picky. You know it and I know it. Let’s do this thing.

But if you still need like a keg to turn me into Ryan Gosling I understand. I’ll just wait somewhere you can’t see me until you are good and drunk, then I’ll introduce myself and we will meet again for the first time. Cool?

Mechanical Flying Saucer UFO Ring

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ufo ring
Check out this Mechanical Flying Saucer UFO Ring that really spins like a UFO. I have no idea how accurate it is. Never seen a UFO in the sky. But I have seen UFO’s at the local Walmart.
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Levi’s Of Doom And Gloom

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Skull Levi's
Damn girl. You got a fine ba-doom-kadonk. Looking all rave yard in your graveyard. I’m just sayin’ I’d like to hold a rave in that grave. Wait this isn’t a guy right? Man, I hope not. That can NEVER happen again. Now shhhh!

These Levi’s Of Doom And Gloom ain’t got no room cuz they full of booty and pulling double duty. Keeping things tight with fright. They’ll fit you just right in your skull hole. Skinny or tight, how they fit don’t matter. After you buy ’em you know you gettin’ fatter.

And THAT is how you write an ad to sell your cool ass end of the world jeans. Because I noticed you didn’t. You’re welcome.
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Vertebrae Shot Glasses

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Vertebrae Shot Glasses
Slipped disc? You’re drinking from it. I’m not inebriated. I am In-vertebrae-ated. So there. These Vertebrae Shot Glasses really help you put your back into it when you knock back a drink.

*Feeling tipsy.* Sure, I’ll have another drink. Spine with me.

*More tipsy* Say what do ya call an Egyptian back guy? A Cairo-Practer. Nose, I’m not drunk.

*Far beyond tipsy* Go aheads, click glasses together again. “This is Spinal Tap.” S’okay s’okay. Nosh drunk. Gonna talk to the pretty lady. Hey. Can I get your Lumbar? *Hiccup* Or at least some lumbar support…?