Tag: ooak

Needle Felted Grumpy Goblin

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Grumpy GoblinThis cute and grumpy $80 needle felted goblin is inspired by Brian Froud’s goblin drawings. You know, the conceptual designer behind classic movies like Labyrinth and The Dark Crystal.

Why so serious Grumpy Goblin? Probably because you are so easy to kill in RPGs. Even if you roll a 1, a critical fail, you can basically trip over your sword and still slash goblins to pieces. Ha ha. You suck. Any relation to grumpy cat? You guys probably attend the same grump-anger management meetings. Nothing? Not even gonna talk? Ahhh. You’re so cute! Who’s the cute one? Who’s the cute grumpy gus? Who’s the-

NO!

*Launches himself at my throat and tears in like a grumpy little weed whacker.*
Read more “Needle Felted Grumpy Goblin”

Apron Of Flesh With Bonus Purse Of Flesh

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

flesh apronHey, serial killers have to cook too. And nobody likes to stain their clothes. I’m not sure how many people had to die to make this flesh apron, but judging by the amount of eye-holes that I see, there are at least 7 extra people invited to dinner.

I hear ya. It needs an accessory just as fleshy. To flesh it out. You’re thinking, “It’s cool and all, but this outfit needs more skin in the game if I’m gonna buy it”. Well, you can also get a matching Flesh Purse. Now you are all set to host a dinner that your guests will never forget…And never leave.

Yeah, this is from the same Etsy seller that gave us the People Pot Pie, so we already know what’s on the menu.
Read more “Apron Of Flesh With Bonus Purse Of Flesh”

Alien Walking Stick

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Alien Walking StickNeed a new walking stick? Try this Alien Walking Stick. Sounds like an insect that looks like an alien, but it is a walking stick that looks like a scary grey alien. Both are terrifying. Especially when you consider that old people like to hit young people with walking sticks. How would you like to get whacked in the face by this walking stick and then have an imprint of an alien on your face all day?

Hey, what happened to your face? Oh that? Helped an old lady across the street and into her UFO. She said I had seen too much and started whacking me. Laid there for about a half an hour after the thing took off, until some men in black arrived, took a blood sample, kicked me a few times and told me that I saw nothing and don’t talk about this EVER. I guess I just did.

Gonna end this here. Someone’s knocking on the door…This isn’t good.
Read more “Alien Walking Stick”

Giant Lobster Claw Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

giant lobster claw lampDamn. That’s one giant lobster claw. It’s perfect for that Spongebob Squarepants themed room you have been decorating. It can go right next to your crabby patty snack tray. Fun fact: I tried square pants for about a year, but my sharp butt corners kept tearing my couch to pieces. That is such BS that that guy can sit on any furniture.

Anyway, this giant lobster claw lamp will look great in any nautical themed room. It even has a spool of rope around the bottom like some now-dead sailor tried to catch it. Nope, Didn’t work. All you gave him was a lobster bracelet while his other claw snapped you clean in half.

No way I’m getting this lamp. With my faulty electrical system, this thing would reanimate every time I got a power surge. Playing “Turn the lamp on and see if you still have fingers after” is not a fun game. I already play a similar game every time I add another plug to that one mass of plugs I call my “one outlet to rule them all”. If it sparks that’s how you know it’s working. At least that leaves my fingers intact as it’s frying my body.
Read more “Giant Lobster Claw Lamp”

Roach covered Bustier: Your Trailer Park Wedding Is Complete

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

roach bustierThis roach covered bustier is perfect for Halloween. If you already have a roach problem then you probably already own some clothing that looks like this. It’s also great for Trailer Park weddings, whether there’s a shotgun involved or not.

Very appropriate if both roaches and marriage make your skin crawl. Me? I’m total marriage material. That material just happens to be covered in roaches like this bustier.
Read more “Roach covered Bustier: Your Trailer Park Wedding Is Complete”