You are never drinking alone when you have a Kraken clinging to your bottle like a wino best friend saying, “Come on ya tosser. Give us a drink! I ain’t had too many no how. Give us just a lick.” These Kraken flasks from Etsy seller Elstwhen are krak-a-laka Kool.
*Glug glug glug.* Hey, why does my booze taste watered down and like Cthulhu backwash? You better lay off my hooch you big Octo-puss or I’m gonna play a little game I like to call Kraken-smackin’!
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I’m a simple dude. I don’t need see how the sausage is made. I just wanna wolf it down. Just like I don’t need to see the insides of humans. It’s gross. Which is why Doctor’s are messed in the head. What 5 year old says. “When I grow up I want to cut other people open and stick my hands all up in ’em!”? Doctors, that’s who!
Etsy seller tcustom has all kinds of human anatomy keychains and they ain’t no better than doctors! *Spits.* Now get off my lawn. Brains and insides is icky and gooey!
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I guess the whole Bitten Baloney Sandwich on White Bread thing has become a decorating trend. Glad I could start a fad. You leave your sandwiches unattended often enough and people start to imitate you. I prefer PB and J myself.
This wall decal is bound to improve the value of your mobile home. I’m just assuming that if this is your sandwich of choice, you are not really dodging a tornado right now, while pink lawn flamingos and Budweiser cans whirl around you.
I’m pretty sure this cool Dragon Fetus In A Jar is a prop from the un-filmed Dreamworks production called “How to Abort Your Dragon.” I think I read that they had budget problems. But this is the next best thing to seeing the movie.
Meet Cleetus, the awesome dragon fetus. He looks all cute and sleepy with his wings curled up close. But he’s not. He’s dead. Or she. I have no idea how to tell male and female dragons apart until one starts bitchin’ about how the other never does chores and stuff.
These Creature Eyes Lollipops are scary delicious. I see an eye of newt, an eye of Sauron, an eye of the tiger(Gotta work hard to suck that one all the way down. Bonus joke: That’s what she said!) and an eye of horus.
All in favor say eye. *Slams eye lollipop gavel down hard.* The eyes have it. This meeting is adjourned. No wonder we never get anything done.
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