Category: Just Plain Weird

Ouija Cutting Board

Artemis Winterford1 Comment

ouija cutting board
Hey look! An Eatja board. Clever word-pun for a Ouija Board cutting board. You can remind yourself of that little laugh when you cut your finger on this thing while chopping vegetables as your blood runs into the various letters spelling E-F-F-I-N-G…O-U-C-H!

I like to slap a piece of steak down and cut a hole in the middle, then place my fingers down gently and watch that flesh move across the board as I look for guidance on my meal. *Meat moves* H-A-V-E…A…S-A-L-A-D!

The other side really is full of evil!!!! GET OUT OF HERE SATAN! *Throws board in my grill and lights it on fire. Uses fire to cook steak.*
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Nosferatu Cookies

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Nosferatu Cookies
Is that a Nosferatu cookie or that dude from Despicable me after a few months of Jenny Craig? I have no idea, but I’m gonna chomp these cookies up like crazy. You get a half dozen (that means 6 for all of your mathematically challenged folks. No worries. It took me like 10 minute to get the answer.).

Damn, the eyes on this cookie really seem to follow you! *Moves cookie from side to side slowly, checking out it’s eyes. Moves it up and down.* Stop looking at me while I eat you! *Flips cookie over so it’s back is toward me. Starts eating each from behind. Then notices the mirror in front of me and sees that it is still watching me. Hisses loudly and claws at the image, continuing to devour them.*

Monster Beer Steins For A Monster Thirst

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Monster Beer Steins
These Monster Beer Steins from KachaktanoMugs will quench your thirst. For beer and for monsters. Quench your thirst. That’s a weird saying. It makes it sound like you are gonna strangle your thirst. Take that thirst! *Chokes self as I writhe around on the floor.* Yeah, I’m still thirsty. Also lightheaded and seeing pretty colored stars.

*Acts all nerdy and superior.* Yeah, well, you didn’t get all of the monsters… I don’t see Beer-ous Karloff. What about Herman “Heineken” Munster? What about the Creature From The Pabst Blue Ribbon Lagoon? *Quells nerd rage!* Gotta control my anger. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Mostly cuz I get all whiny and stuff.
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Creepy And Cool Creature Cups

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Creepy And Cool Creature Cups
These creature cups are pretty neat. They have better surprises on the bottom than my cups. Of course I don’t do dishes, so I tend to grow bacteria samples that turn into little wavy tentacles. It makes your tea taste extra biological and when you take that last sip, that tentacle high fives your tongue and gives ya a little kiss with one of it’s suckers.

These come in all kinds of versions, sharks, octopus, spiders and more. They aren’t as cool as the ones I grow, but hey, they won’t leave weird STDs on your tongue.
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I Got Brain Skull Candle Holder Set

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Brain Skull Candle Holder Set
This I Got Brain Skull Candle Holder Set lets you burn brains as candles, while inside of skulls. Hey I got brain too. Nah. I lied. I can’t brain today. I can barely even adult.

The seller’s name is Brainfart55. Is that your ask or your IQ? Hahahahaha. Both? Cool. Nah. I kid, I kid. Now if you’ll excuse me I am going to draw a hot bath and burn some brain candles.

*Falls asleep in the tub*

Wakes up to see all of the gooey brain mass dripping out of the skull and jumps like 10 feet! Jeebus Christ! I thought someone had been shot! This is why I can’t have relaxing baths!