Tag: accessory

Freddy Krueger, Jason, Chucky And Michael Myers Paperweights

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horror movie paperweights
These Freddy Krueger, Jason, Chucky And Michael Myers Paperweights will hold your papers down like they were just another bad script for an unnecessary sequel. Having some horror movie heads on your desk will remind you that things could be worse. Instead of being stuck in the office, you could be one of their victims. Suddenly office work doesn’t sound so bad huh? Now get that report on my desk asap. I’ll be in my office looking up asap in the dictionary.

These heads probably connect to form some crazy Voltron super-horror entity. Don’t use that Hollywood. It’s documented. If you use it you now owe me.

Willy Care Kit: Don’t Leave Home Without It

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Willy Care Kit
Man, I gotta start dating. Problem is when I signed up for match.com, my membership screen said “We have found a match for you: MY ASS YOUR FACE”. Nice. Thanks for nothing. I have feelings too you know. Except in my buttcheeks. They’re all tingly and numb from sitting here all day bringing you awesome and weird stuff. Go me.

This Willy Care Kit might help me to up my dating game. You gotta keep tidy and neat after all and us guys are dating for two. *Looks down* You and I both have to shape up. Then once we get a woman we can let ourselves go again. Deal?

This kit comes with a fluffing brush, styling sheers, a sprucing mirror and even some evening wear for the little guy in the form of a little necklace.

Freddy Krueger High Heels

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freddy krueger high heels
One, two, Freddy’s got a new shoe. Three, Four, his ankles are sore. Well, when you see Freddy in dreams you’re bound to see him wearing everything at some point. The last time I saw Freddy he was wearing a cow-print moo-moo over a bikini. Dreams are messed up! He knows what I like. I’ll say that.

These Freddy Krueger High Heels will let you walk all over Freddy. Literally. They have melted Freddy flesh in front, the stripes from his sweater and claws in the back. They are probably cushioned with the soles of his victims. Soles. Heh. I know what you’re thinking. What the heel kinda joke is that? Just a little something I cobbled together. Shoe humor. Don’t judge me. At least not until…

Get it? Who gets it? I am a friggin’ rock star. The guy outside 7-11 was right. These meds really work. Just found my new doctor!
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Nicolas Cage Meme iPhone Cases

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nicolas cage i phone case
Your iPhone is a powerful device, even if they do keep “upgrading” it every year and giving you the bare minimum in new features for a sweet high price. See, that right there is why I use a flip phone. Well, your crazy expensive phone is about to get even more powerful. Unlock the power of Nicolas Cage and let him hug your phone with his dead unblinking eyes, like the Shakespearean acting sloth that he is. Your smartphone will never be the same.

Choose from Pepperoni Pizza face Cage, Mona Lisa Cage, Illuminati Cage, Our Lord Cage, Astronaut Cage and Renaissance Woman Cage. Get all the Nic Cages. You gotta catch ’em all!
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Ribcage Hand Tooled Leather Skeleton Corset Belt

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leather skeleton corset
The Ribcage Hand Tooled Leather Skeleton Corset Belt will make it look like you are getting a permanent X-Ray. Every guy who checks you out will want diagnose you. Can’t be helped. Just trying to be helpful and spot any potential problems.

Can you step in front of that light please? *studies the ribs* Hmmmm. Interesting. *calls another guy over* What do you think of that? I agree, that could be a problem. Now get out of here. I need some alone time with the patient. I suggest we operate right away, because I’m a smooth operator. Surgeon? No, I’m no surgeon honey. I thought you said, “Sir, gin”. So, where’s my gin? Nevermind. I’ll have to operate quickly, making it as painless as possible. You other guys can watch and learn. *Clears throat* Well, hello there. Can I have your number? See, you’ve got my heart all locked up in your ribcage. I think we can sort this out by getting together this Saturday night. *Wiggles eyebrows*
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